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--The Darkest Hour--

Whitestorm: I'm foreshadowing my own death with hints at my suicidal lack of confidence!

Brindleface: With this life I give you protection...
Firestar: You mean as in, like, a condom?  Because I see that Spottedleaf is here and...
Brindleface: No! Oh god, no!

Spottedleaf: With this life I give you love...
Fireheart: *excited* You mean like...
Spottedleaf: No.  Unfortunately, not like that.
Fireheart: Aww...

*After Firestar's leadership ceremony*
Firestar: *wakes up, Cinderpelt is lying on top of him* Um... Cinderpelt?  Why are you lying on top of me?
Cinderpelt: Oh, um... You were... rolling around in your sleep... And you rolled into me... Yeah...
Firestar: Then why are you on top?
Cinderpelt: You were really rolling around a lot...
*awkward silence*
Firestar: You can get off of me now.
Cinderpelt: Oh, right.  I'll be getting off... right... about... now...

*While Firestar and Cinderpelt are staying in the barn*
Barley: Do you two want to spend the night with us?
Ravenpaw: *staring at Cinderpelt* I don't want to sleep with a girl!
Cinderpelt: *whispering* Umm… Firestar?  Are you sure that you and Ravenpaw are, erm… "playing for the same team"?
Firestar: …What's that supposed to mean?

Darkstripe: I feel no loyalty towards ThunderClan.  In the whole forest, the only cat worth following is Tigerstar.
Graystripe: If you love Tigerstar so much, why don't you marry him?
Darkstripe: MAYBE I WILL!

Tigerstar: I have an offer for you.
Leopardstar: What?
Tigerstar: We will join RiverClan and ShadowClan together, and henceforth be known as TigerClan.  Then, we can rule together as joint leaders!
Leopardstar: I don't know...
Tigerstar: If you accept, I'll give you a "gift". *wink-wink*
Leopardstar: *blushing* W-what kind of "gift"...?
Tigerstar: I'll give you two hints:  It's between my legs, and it is very large.
Leopardstar: *blushing even more* I-I accept!
Tigerstar: Okay, here you go. *Takes a very large acorn out from between his hind legs and drops it in front of Leopardstar*
Leopardstar: W-what?  I thought you meant...  How did you keep an acorn between your legs?
Tigerstar: Look, that doesn't matter, and, frankly, the answer is a bit embarrassing.  The point is, you've just agreed to an irreversible verbal contract.  I win!

Tigerstar: Now conquer the forest, you bastards!
TigerClan Cats: Conquer the forest, us bastards!

Tigerstar: Great StarClan, Darkstripe!  I knew you FAIL, but god!  I never knew it was possible to FAIL as epically as you do.  You just got your ass kicked by a half starved prisoner!
Darkstripe: Sorry master.
Tigerstar: Just go FAIL somewhere else, okay?
Darkstripe: Yes master.

Scourge: Now I shall get my revenge!
Tigerstar: Wait, revenge for what?
Scourge: What!?  You savagely assaulted me when I was a kit!  You are partially responsible for making me the bloodthirsty psychopath I am today!
Tigerstar: I don't even know who you are.  Do you honestly expect me to keep track of every single kit I've beaten to within an inch of its life?
Scourge: Grrr...

*After Scourge kills Tigerstar*
Firestar: Oh, jeez! Are you okay?

Whitestorm: Firestar, I just want to say that Bluestar could not have led us better in these terrible days.  I've been proud to serve as your deputy.
Firestar: Whitestorm, you're talking as if...
Whitestorm: As if I'm going to die?  Maybe I will...

Firestar: Great StarClan, Darkstripe.  I can not even begin to describe how much your logic FAILS.
Darkstripe: It makes perfect sense, I'm trying to kill you because I blame you for what Scourge did.
Firestar: I'm not even going to continue this conversation, Graystripe!
Graystripe: Deus ex machina! *kills Darkstripe*.

Whitestorm: *dying* I...told

Whitestorm: Trust your heart, Firestar.  You have always know that Graystripe is the cat StarClan destined to be your deputy.
Firestar: Look, for the last time, WE'RE NOT GAY!

*Cinderpelt treating Firestar's wounds*
Sandstorm: *glare* Alright, keep it above the waist.
Cinderpelt: Y-yes...

Firestar: Then I'll see you at the next Gathering.  And Blackfoot, you would do well to learn from the mistakes of your predecessors.  I saw what you did to Stonefur at the Bonehill.
Blackfoot: *worried* W-what are you going to do to me?
Firestar: Nothing.
Blackfoot: Nothing?
Firestar: Nothing.  I'm also going to ignore you killing one of my Clan's elders in the first book.  Now, let us never speak of anything you did in this series ever again.

Firestar: *talking to himself* Thank you, StarClan.  Thank for staying with us, fifth Clan of the forest.  How could I ever have though that I faced this battle alone?
Sandstorm: …Is Firestar okay?
Cinderpelt: I think he's hallucinating from blood loss.  We should do something, or he might die again.
Firestar: *still talking to himself* Yay!  StarClan!  Happiness!
Sandstorm: Yeah, maybe we should do something…
Firestar: Oh, hello, Spottedleaf.  You want to go under that tree and "celebrate"?
Sandstorm: *glare*…On second thought, let him die.
Cinderpelt: B-but…!
Sandstorm: If the blood loss doesn't kill him, I will.

---  ---
Next up on the Warriors Abridged schedule is The Darkest Hour (Bluestar’s Prophecy will come soon-ish), the final book in the first series. It’s also the only book with complete closure… except for Dawn if you choose to ignore the fact that Hawkfrost exists… and Sunset if you choose to ignore all the foreshadowing. Well, it’s basically the only book that could have completely ended the series.

And keeping true to the name, it is indeed noticeably darker than average.

In the prologue, Tigerstar and Boulder are travelling through Twolegplace. Boulder is taking Tigerstar to see Scourge, the leader of BloodClan. And he’s… tiny… Tigerstar isn’t impressed, because he likes big things and Boulder tells him to be careful, warning him that the BloodClan cats would be willing to kill for Scourge. Tigerstar then walks up to Scourge and says that he has a proposition for him. And… that’s it.

The first chapter opens right where A Dangerous Path left off, with Bluestar having given her ninth life to run the dog pack off the ravine. With all immediate threats either dead or escaping (heh, Tigerstar), Fireheart brings her body back to ThunderClan camp with the help of Stonefur and Mistyfoot.

At camp, we see Whitestorm angsting and saying it is his fault that Bluestar died, because he couldn’t do anything to stop her. His increasing emo-ness and decreasing will to live acts as an indicator of the fact that he will die in this book.

I know the reason Whitestorm is so sad about Bluestar is because she’s his aunt, but I still see some Denialshipping here. Hell, I still see a lot of it in Bluestar’s Prophecy, where the fact that they’re related is the focal point of their relationship.

Once in camp, they bring her body into her den, and Stonefur and Mistyfoot decide to stay to share tongues with their mother one last time.

However, Speckletail and Frostfur accidentally walk in on them, and assume they are mauling her dead body. Awkward.

Fireheart explains this by telling everyone, the whole camp in fact, that Bluestar was their mother. Once again: Awkward. It’s almost like a sitcom.

After the RiverClan warriors leave, they hold vigil for Bluestar, and Tawnypaw mentions that Fireheart will be leader now. As you would expect, Darkstripe has another hissy-fit, but since he’s pretty much the only racist asshole left in the Clan at this point, no one really cares.

The next day, Fireheart and Cinderpelt head out to Highstones so Fireheart can receive his nine lives and officially become leader. Sexual tension galore as they have a tender moment along they way. Although I’m not sure it counts as tension if one of the people involved is completely unaware. Fireheart really is an idiot.

They eventually reach Highstones and go down to the Moonstone for Fireheart’s nine lives ceremony. Hurray, nine lives ceremony! It basically takes the form of various dead cats he knew in life giving him lives along with different gifts, most of hem very painful. It’s pretty symbolic of everything he’s had to go though, as well as the fact that he’s had to fight twice as hard as everyone to get half as much credit.

It’s overall very epic. I was kind of disappointed with Bluestar’s ceremony in Bluestar’s Prophecy, because it simply pales in comparison to Fireheart’s. It seems really shortened (the whole last few chapters of that book seemed pretty rushed, actually), and there weren’t nearly as many painful lives as with Fireheart, which is odd because her life was much tougher than his.

After his ceremony, Fireheart, now named Firestar, is given a prophecy from Bluestar. A mound of bones, some of which belong to cats (cannibalism much?), rises from the ground and a river of blood begins to flow freely from it. As StarClan disappears, Firestar is given the prophecy Four will become two. Lion and tiger will meet in battle, and blood will rule he forest.

On the way back to ThunderClan territory, Firestar and Cinderpelt have another somewhat emotional moment, and end up spending the night in Ravenpaw and Barley’s barn… in an entirely platonic way. Poor Cinderpelt…

Once back at camp, Firestar appoints Whitestorm as his deputy, and everything seems to be okay… in the sense that everything was okay in Europe during the mid-1930s.

Brackenfur is also still keeping an eye on Darkstripe like he was told to in the last book, because he’s still a douche and Firestar is waiting for Darkstripe to prove his loyalty, because he is still openly gay for Tigerstar. Well, not really, but come on! He practically is!

Firestar decides to take a little stroll around his old home in Twolegplace. He finds that Bramblepaw has been following him. Bramblepaw asking him about what he is doing there prompts a discussion about loyalty, in Firestar’s case, loyalty to the Clan over his kittypet roots, and in Bramblepaw’s case, proving his loyalty to the cats that only see his father in him.

This little scene also addresses the little bit of worry Firestar feels about Bramblepaw, since he still thinks of him as Tigerstar’s son. This does temporarily get resolved, but this character arc isn’t completely over until Sunset.

It’s also kind of funny to look back and see Bramblepaw talking about being loyal to his Clan instead of his father, since a good deal of the second series is him almost going the other way.

On the way back, Firestar sees Darkstripe talking to Sorrelkit, which he finds odd, because he doesn’t remember Darkstripe ever taking an interest in kits. Oh, that’s a relief. Darkstripe may be a backstabbing, verbally abusive, racist prick, but he’s no pedophile! Besides, why should he care about kits if he and Tigerstar would be biologically incapable of having any?

But this isn’t just a normal conversation, Sorrelkit suddenly collapses and Graystripe comes literally out of nowhere (he does this a lot if you notice) and attacks Darkstripe. Sorrelkit had eaten some Deathberries, and Graystripe says that Darkstripe was intentionally feeding them to her.

Cinderpelt manages to save Sorrelkit through the power of induced vomiting (Hurra- ew, don’t get it on me!), but her life still hangs in the balance.

Brackenfur then angsts about his inability to stalk Darkstripe properly almost got Sorrelkit killed. I’m not sure this is supposed to be foreshadowing them being mates in the future.

While they are waiting for Sorrelkit to recover so they can hear her side of the story, Firestar decides to give Thornpaw his warrior name, and change Lostface’s to something more politically correct. The newly named Thornclaw and Brightheart are almost immediately forgotten after Sorrelkit wakes up.

Sorrelkit says that she saw Darkstripe talking to Blackfoot, and that he fed her the berries afterwards. It seems Darkstripe was trying to silence her so she couldn’t blab about him meeting with Tigerstar’s deputy.

With this kind of evidence against Darkstripe, Firestar has no choice but to give him the banhammer banish him. As you would expect, Darkstripe still acts like a total jackass about it. As he leaves, he says something about how Tigerstar is the only cat worth following. Apparently he wants to stand behind Tigerstar as much as he wants Tigerstar up his behind.

Later on, Firestar meets Mistyfoot near Sunningrocks, and she tells him that Tigerstar and some of his warriors have been visiting RiverClan camp frequently.

Apparently Leopardstar’s explanation for this is that she sees Tigerstar as the strongest leader in the forest, and thinks there is some benefit in cooperating with him. However, as Vicky has since stated, it was also partly that she was in love with him.

Between Darkstripe and Leopardstar, I’m beginning to think that cats aren’t supporting Tigerstar so much because of his ideals, but because of his penis.

This also makes me wonder if he knew about Leopardstar being in love with him and, err… “tickled her fancy” a few times to help grease the wheels in their collaborative effort. I also wonder if he was aware of Darkstripe, and if he would even be willing to do the same for him.

Mind you, this can’t be very long after he was fooling around with Sasha, and he apparently really did love her. Maybe he just pulled a CrowxNight, if he even did any of this at all.

Firestar decides that at the upcoming Gathering, he’s going to tell all the Clans about what Tigerstar had done. I have no idea why no one bothered to do this earlier, or how cats were just able to accept that ThunderClan’s deputy disappeared without any explanation for a few moons and then show up again as ShadowClan’s leader. More power to Firestar if he wants to do the logical thing.

At the Gathering, Tigerstar formally announces that he and Leopardstar have merged together RiverClan and ShadowClan to create TigerClan. Y’know, Tiggy, if you want to pretend that you and Leopardstar are actually equal partners, it would help if you weren’t egotistical enough to put your name on the Clan.

He says that great change is coming, and that with all of the increasing troubles from the past few books, he is the only one who can lead them through it. Y’know, kind of like how Hitler claimed he would restore the German nation to its former glory, or how Mussolini claimed to be the only man who could resurrect the greatness of former Roman Empire. Once someone starts paralleling World War II dictators, you know they’re bad. I’m only surprised that he never matches up with Stalin at any point.

Considering Firestar only came to this thing to bitch at Tigerstar no matter what happened, he obviously doesn’t agree. Tallstar disagrees even more vehemently, leading to somewhat of a Crowning Moment of Awesome for him, a character that seems to have gained a reputation for lacking a backbone. However, in a few chapters he will learn why you should never say “Make us” to Tigerstar.

Just as Firestar is about to deliver his rant about how Tigerstar is an evil dick, a storm suddenly starts brewing, and Tigerstar starts yelling “A sign! A sign!” in such a way that I can’t help but picture him jumping up and down like a five year old who has just proven himself right.

The Gathering gets called on amount of rain, which may or may not be the will of StarClan, and Firestar begins to think that the Tiger from the prophecy may refer to TigerClan.

Afterwards, Firestar has a little training session with Bramblepaw who mentions that he doesn’t think what Tigerstar is talking about is necessarily a bad idea, which causes Firestar more worry about Bramblepaw’s connection with his father.

Although, Bramblepaw is sort of right here. In this case, joining together is a bad idea because Tigerstar is pretty much Hitler reincarnated as a cat, but it is fundamentally a good idea. Especially since the best defence Firestar can offer is that there should always be four Clans because… well, just because.

Later, when taking a drink, Firestar’s reflection takes the form of a lion, and Spottedleaf tells him to take heed of what he has seen. I’m guessing because she thought he might just write something like that off as a coincidence.

He begins to realise that the prophecy is about him forming a new Clan – LionClan – in order to fight off TigerClan.

The next day, Graystripe comes to Firestar worrying about his kits. For some reason, no one really calls him out on kinda, y’know, abandoning them. Firestar says there’s probably nothing wrong with him, and that they can’t just bust into RiverClan camp and steal them. So instead, along with Ravenpaw, they decide to just casually go to RiverClan and check what’s going on.

When they reach RiverClan camp, they are horrified with what they see. They see Tigerstar standing on top of a mound of bones, exactly like the one from Firestar’s dream. What I’m a bit confused about, is if this is supposed to be like his throne or something, why is it in RiverClan territory? Unless he’s got an even bigger one at home…

Another thing that stands out to me in this scene is a somewhat funny typo. It’s not just the usual mistake: it’s a mistake, followed by what would normally have been a correct statement that becomes false because of the preceding typo.

Let me explain. Firestar mentions that he sees the two RiverClan warriors Mudfur and Heavystep guarding the camp. Now, as we know, Mudfur is not a warrior, but a medicine cat. And then almost immediately after that, he says he can’t see either Clan’s medicine cat. This makes sense, because Tigerstar wouldn’t want medicine cats around because then they could contradict his whole “carrying out StarClan’s will” thing, but for some reason he seems to have one of them performing warrior duties and guarding his camp.

So basically, Firestar sees a medicine cat, and then almost immediately afterwards says there are no medicine cats there. Heh.

It’s also nice to see that Heavystep has taken a break from dying to actually help out.

Tigerstar seems to be holding a Clan meeting, with Blackfoot and Darkstripe at his side. Yes, Darkstripe has since joined TigerClan, and he seems to be unreasonably happy standing beside his Tiggy-Wiggy. Leopardstar doesn’t seem to be involved in this, showing how equal they are as “joint leaders”.

Tigerstar goes off on some rant about how they must stand strong against the threat of the other Clans, and cleanse themselves of the filth of halfClan cats. This is just so Hitler. Seriously, just replace “halfClan” with “Jewish”, and you’ve pretty much got an English translation of one of Hitler’s speeches.

He brings out Featherpaw, Stormpaw, and Stonefur, who he has been keeping prisoner under some very bad conditions. He says that he will spare Stonefur if he proves his loyalty by killing the two halfClan apprentices.

Stonefur refuses, and Tigerstar sends Darkstripe down to kill him. It’s hard to tell if what happens here is a result of Stonefur being that awesome, or Darkstripe failing that much. The point is, no matter how you look at it, Darkstripe is incapable of killing a half-starved prisoner.

Since Darkstripe is too incompetent to do the job himself, Tigerstar sends Blackfoot down to finish Stonefur off. Darkstripe and Stonefur are easily able to pin down Stonefur, and without hesitation, Blackfoot slits Stonefur’s throat. Firestar, Graystripe and Ravenpaw watch in horror as he bleeds to death.

Tigerstar orders Featherpaw and Stormpaw to be taken back to where they were being held. Apparently he’s changed his mind about killing them. They disguise Ravenpaw’s scent so he can pass as a RiverClan cat. He manages to convince the guard that Tigerstar wants to talk to him, and while he’s gone he manages to break Featherpaw, Stormpaw, and Mistyfoot.

They all manage to narrowly escape being caught by a pursuing TigerClan patrol, and all head back to ThunderClan camp. Firestar decides to accept Featherpaw, Stormpaw and Mistyfoot as refugees.

He also talks to Sandstorm about what Tigerstar said, and Sandstorm is surprised, saying that Tigerstar’s own kits are halfClan. Firestar says he probably justifies it by saying that he was in ThunderClan when they were born.

Now this is what I don’t get. Yes, Tigerstar is a hypocrite (although, according to Vicky, a lot of it is just him saying what other cats want to hear), but he would be completely right on this point. Both of Bramblepaw and Tawnypaw’s parents are pure-blooded ThunderClan warriors, and Tigerstar changing to another Clan doesn’t change his ancestry.

I find it really strange that the cats seem to use where someone’s parents live as the basis of their ethnicity, and still uses the phrase “blood’ to describe someone’s background. PICK A FREAKING DEFINITION AND STICK WITH IT!

Anyway, it seems Tawnypaw has also gone missing, and they search for her, but to no avail. Goldenflower bitches at Firestar about how he doesn’t care about Tawnypaw just because she’s Tigerstar’s daughter.

Firestar also asks Sandstorm to help Mistyfoot with mentoring Featherpaw in a really awkward conversation that seems to be Firestar trying his best to make up with not giving Sandstorm an apprentice.

I might as well just come out and say this is why I don’t really like Sandstorm for Firestar. She seems so freaking hard to please, and Firestar seems to always be trying not to piss her off. It seems like if he doesn’t make everything perfect for her, she’ll stop being his mate, as demonstrated by the fact that they actually had a fight over Firestar not giving her an apprentice. I think she could get almost any kind of privileges she wanted from Firestar just by withholding sex.

And then there’s how she deals with competition. Cinderpelt never makes any passes at Firestar, and yet she still acts all edgy around her in A Dangerous Path. And even after she gets Firestar as her mate, she still whines about it. Look, Spottedleaf and Cinderpelt never complain, and you’re the one who gets Firestar in the end. WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING? Seriously, it’s like she will not be satisfied unless she is sure that Firestar does not feel one iota of affection for any other cat.

I do acknowledge that they are indeed in love (although I find that a bit hard to believe considering how often Sandstorm has almost left Firestar for almost no reason), and she helps calm Firestar down, something he really needs, but I just don’t like how she acts like whiny bitch all the time. I just overall find SpottedxFire and CinderxFire more amusing because of the angst and the fact that they were both willing to let Firestar be with Sandstorm because they knew she could make him happy.

Although I must admit, Sandstorm’s jealous streak does lead to some good jokes.

I also have no idea why people tell Spottedleaf to stop stalking Firestar. She did freaking stop stalking him!

Anyway, back on topic. Mudclaw comes into camp telling them that TigerClan is attacking WindClan camp. Jeez, these cats just can’t catch a break. See what I meant about why you shouldn’t tell Tigerstar “Make us”?

When they arrive, they discover WindClan camp devastated, and every cat wounded. The only death was that of an apprentice, who Tigerstar killed in front of everyone as a demonstration. Aw, dick move, Tigerstar. Dick move…

Tallstar tells Firestar that Tigerstar said that he wanted to meet both him and Firestar at Fourtrees the next day at sunhigh to hear their final decision about joining TigerClan.

The leaders decide to form an alliance and go together, ready to go down fighting if necessary.

The next chapter is just Firestar talking with Sandstorm and angsting about all of his responsibilities as Clan leader. He worries himself because if he makes a single mistake tomorrow, all of his friends could die.

He has been having thoughts about whether or not he is ready for all this responsibility throughout the whole book, but it really comes through in this chapter.

I’d just like to address all the people who seem to think Firestar is a Mary Sue. This right here is one of his flaws: he’s incredibly paranoid and always worrying about whether he’s good enough.

Other cats always expect him to be perfect, so he tries his best to look perfect on the outside, but on the inside he’s being crushed under the weight of everyone’s expectations.

The only reason he seems like a Sue later on is because we don’t have his POV, so we can only see his perfect outer half, not his conflicted inner half. Also, after this book, he does seem kind of at peace with himself, so it’s also an issue of the Erins being done with him as a character.

I’m also not sure why people think he’s too perfect, but then criticise all of his decisions. If there’s room for criticism, doesn’t that mean he’s not perfect?

He’s also called perfect because he always does the right thing. Now, he would be a Mary Sue if he always did the right thing, and everything worked out perfectly and everyone loved him for it. This is not the case. He does the right thing, but meets a shit load of opposition for it, and isn’t necessarily better for the experience.

However, I will concede that when put up to some of the other protagonists, he does seem like a Mary Sue by comparison, and the Erins don’t really put any effort in to writing him anymore, hence him being a minor character.

Anyway, it’s finally time for the meeting. Among the TigerClan cats present is Tawnypaw, much to Bramblepaw’s surprise. Apparently she joined willingly, and Tigerstar makes the same offer to Bramblepaw. Bramblepaw says that he would rather die than join Tigerstar, a refusal that seems odd in light of the last half of The New Prophecy. Also, if you notice, literally everyone rejects Tigerstar and gets a chance to spit in his face in this book.

Tigerstar then brings out BloodClan in order to persuade the other Clans to join. Some cats scoff at the BloodClan cats because they wear collars, but Firestar is able to recognise that they are formidable opponents, not only from their appearance, but that fact that many of their collars were studded with the teeth of dogs and cats.

Tigerstar orders BloodClan to attack, but no cat moves. Their miniscule leader, Scourge, comes out and says that only he commands BloodClan. Firestar takes this opportunity to finally publicly unleash his speech about why Tigerstar is such an evil douchebag.

It takes him about two pages, which is really saying something. Of course, Firestar has a flair for the dramatic, so not all of it is Tigerstar bashing.

After hearing this, Scourge decides there will be no battle today. As you would expect, Tigerstar is pissed, and launches himself at Scourge.

Scourge then unsheathes his claws, revealing dog teeth which he has used to amplify them, and shoves them into Tigerstar’s throat. With his claws in Tigerstar’s throat, Scourge manages to rip him open all the way down to his tail.

Tigerstar stays lying in the grass, screaming in agony as he bleeds to death nine times, exhausting all of his lives.

This is just one of the most epic deaths ever. Way up there with death by postage stamp. Creative, even. I applaud the Erins for their creativity in killing off villains.

Not fazed in the least, Scourge tells the Clans that they have three day to leave the forest unless they want to fight BloodClan on the fourth day.

The next scene seems to get twisted out of shape a lot by some fans. Firestar mourning over Tigerstar’s dead body and thinking back over all of his positive qualities is supposed to show that although Tigerstar did bad things, he was not purely evil, that him dying didn’t solve any problems, and that although he was his archenemy, Firestar can at least appreciate his gifts.

Instead, some fans thought: OMFG THEYRE GHEY!

Now look, I know Warriors is absolutely jam-packed with yaoi, and I enjoy just as much as these people, but Firestar and Tigerstar? No. Just, no.

They hate each other. Unless you think them constantly trying to kill each other was some kind of foreplay, which I seriously doubt.

It just annoys me that this ship is entirely based off of people completely misinterpreting a scene that is supposed to address one of the most important themes in the series.

Of course, these are Warriors fans we are talking about. They aren’t exactly known for getting the point.

It’s almost amusing how badly they are able to bastardize the theme of moral ambiguity. For example, claiming that the villains’ redeeming qualities make them legitimately good, and just blaming all of their actions on whoever significantly influenced their past. Bonus points go to those people who have managed to blame the majority of the bad things that have happened in the books on Thistleclaw, despite him being dead before the series even started.

Firestar talks to Tallstar and they both agree that they will fight BloodClan together, and after some more angsting over his responsibilities, Firestar heads back to camp with ThunderClan, and they train, train, train!

Ravenpaw and Barley also show up. Barley reveals that he used to be a member of BloodClan, and tells Firestar all about them. He concludes by telling him that BloodClan does not believe in StarClan or the warrior code, and that that is Scourge’s greatest weakness.

Firestar doesn’t seem to get it, and Barley doesn’t really explain it to him either for some reason.

After Ravenpaw and Barley offer to fight, Firestar goes off with Cloudtail to warn Princess about BloodClan. More angst all around.

Whitestorm also shows off more of his emoness by asking Firestar if it is really worth fighting the battle since many cats will likely die. They talk about it for a while, and I may be sounding like a broken record here, but: ANGST!

There is also a somewhat dramatic scene where Firestar has a dream where he talks to StarClan, and starts to call them out on how they’re not helping the Clans at all.

Bluestar responds to his accusations by saying that StarClan does not rule the forest, but they do watch over the Clans. She’s saying that StarClan can’t do everything, and that the Clans have to create their own destiny.

Cue the misaimed fandom bell again, because surprise, surprise: the fans don’t get this, either.

You’d think between StarClan's explicit admission about the fact that they won’t help the Clans, or how utterly useless they are in Power of Three, they would actually realise that StarClan isn’t the super cool awesome almighty thing some of them think it is.

I’m also annoyed because this seems to form the basis of hatred towards Sol, because whenever you hear people complaining about him, it’s not “he’s a manipulative douchebag who steps on others just to serve himself”, it’s “he tried to make ShadowClan not believe in StarClan”.

Oh, wow. That’s so terrible. He’s even worse than Scourge and Tigerstar combined! ... In case you couldn’t tell, I was being sarcastic. Seriously, Sol is too much of a badass to have to put up with this. If you want to hate him, hate him for something concrete.

Back on topic. Firestar finally realises that he could just ask TigerClan to help him and Tallstar fight off BloodClan, and goes to try and make an allegiance with Leopardstar. Took him long enough.

Leopardstar and Blackfoot agree, but Darkstripe comes out and starts complaining again. A little thing I’d like to point out here is how he is described as messy looking, his coat lacking its usually well-groomed sheen.

Now, as far as psychology goes, someone primping themselves whenever another person is near is a sign that they are attracted to that person.

Let me get that straight. Darkstripe was always grooming himself when Tigerstar was around, but after he died, he stopped grooming himself? Once again, it’s not canon, but he’s so bloody gay for Tigerstar!

Darkstripe apparently blames Firestar for Tigerstar’s death, instead of the actual cat that killed him. Apparently its Firestar’s fault because he turned Scourge against Tigerstar, never mind that Scourge probably would have killed Tigerstar eventually anyway, or the fact that Rise of Scourge gives him an ulterior motive in killing Tigerstar, or just how downright illogical displacing blame like that is.

Darkstripe leaves to go masturbate over Tigerstar’s dead body or something, and Tawnypaw tells Firestar and Bramblepaw why she left ThunderClan. She says that she was tired of being judged for who her father was, and just wanted to be judged for herself; that the only place she could be a real warrior was in ShadowClan.

There is more pre-battle angst as ThunderClan prepares to defend the camp in case the fighting extends past Fourtrees, and Whitestorm starts pulling the whole emo thing again.

Finally, it’s time for the battle, and just as expected, everyone starts fighting against BloodClan. Firestar decides he needs to kill Scourge to end the battle, and goes out looking for him. Along the way, he gets attacked by Darkstripe, who is trying to kill him because he still blames Firestar for Tigerstar’s death for some reason. As usual, Graystripe comes out of nowhere again, and manages to kill Darkstripe. ‘Bout time.

Also, Whitestorm gets killed by Bone, the BloodClan deputy, and I die a little inside. The emo foreshadowing was right! Whitestorm is apparently covered in so much of his own blood that Firestar couldn’t tell who he was at first, which must mean he got his ass kicked pretty hard.

Whitestorm tells Firestar to make Graystripe his deputy, because he has always known that Graystripe was meant to be Firestar’s deputy. Yeah, even Whitestorm could pick up on the subtext between those two. Of course, all this “meant to be” stuff gets kinda flushed down the toilet by later books…

Firestar somehow manages to perform the deputy ceremony for Graystripe in the middle of the raging battle, and goes back to finding Scourge.

Firestar manages to find Scourge, and then gets his ass kicked pretty quickly, receiving a fatal head wound that causes him to lose his first life.

While he is in StarClan recovering, Firestar yells at Bluestar to hurry up and bring him back and actually help the Clans a bit. Bluestar responds by telling Firestar that suffering through loneliness and uncertainty is what has made him into the great leader he is.

That’s nice an all, but I’m going to side with Firestar here and say this isn’t helping.

Bluestar finally tells Firestar that there are not four Clans in the forest, but five, the fifth being StarClan. There used to be six, but we’re not supposed to know that yet.

Firestar is finally ready to come back, and he gets ready to kick some Scourge ass. Scourge is surprised to see Firestar magically rise from the dead, and Firestar realises that Scourge’s weakness is that since he doesn’t believe in StarClan, he doesn’t have nine lives. Uh, duh!

Now with the upper hand and StarClan at his side, Firestar starts fighting Scourge again. Scourge still seems to be winning, as Firestar almost bleeds to death again, but using one of his old tricks, Firestar manages to take Scourge’s one and only life.

With Scourge dead, the rest of BloodClan flees for some reason, and everything is peaceful again. Firestar has lost a lot of blood, but he still manages to stumble around and talk to other cats about how the story has happily resolved itself for them.

One that stands out to me is how Blackfoot is now leader of ShadowClan. He says he won’t cause any more trouble without Tigerstar bossing him around, which is kind of hard to believe considering we say him kill another Clan’s deputy in cold blood earlier in the book just because he was told to.

But, wait! Other than being more of a jerk than average, he actually doesn’t cause much trouble later on. And he also escapes any form of punishment for all the stuff he did as an evil lackey. Huh?

Anyway, things have finally all resolved themselves (until the plot gets cracked wide open again, that is), and the first series ends with Firestar covered in his own blood staring at the rising sun. Very much like the second series, actually.

(Does anybody actually read these descriptions? Or are you people too scared by the length? Someone tell me! I’ll be much briefer next time!)

Inspired by YuGiOh the Abridged Series by LittleKuriboh (CardGamesFTW)


All characters are from WARRIORS by Erin Hunter
WARRIORS is © Harper Collins
Add a Comment:
LBB-minecraft497 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I nearly cracked up laughing in the middle of class when I was reading about Firestar's death when Bluestar said Brindleface gave Firestar the life of protection.
GingertheTiger Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
The tiger in the prophecy might also refer to Katy Perry. I'm not sure if the Roar official video was an obscure Warriors reference or a coincidence, but she and Firestar (as far as I know) are the only people/cats/whatever capable of seeing themselves as large cats for no good reason whatsoever when they go admire their reflection look in a pool of water.
RUSTPELTGGA Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I died reading this....ITS SO FUNNY XD
Right... About... Now.
shadowedstormy Featured By Owner May 9, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"I’d just like to address all the people who seem to think Firestar is a Mary Sue. This right here is one of his flaws: he’s incredibly paranoid and always worrying about whether he’s good enough.

Other cats always expect him to be perfect, so he tries his best to look perfect on the outside, but on the inside he’s being crushed under the weight of everyone’s expectations.

The only reason he seems like a Sue later on is because we don’t have his POV, so we can only see his perfect outer half, not his conflicted inner half. Also, after this book, he does seem kind of at peace with himself, so it’s also an issue of the Erins being done with him as a character.

I’m also not sure why people think he’s too perfect, but then criticise all of his decisions. If there’s room for criticism, doesn’t that mean he’s not perfect?

He’s also called perfect because he always does the right thing. Now, he would be a Mary Sue if he always did the right thing, and everything worked out perfectly and everyone loved him for it. This is not the case. He does the right thing, but meets a shit load of opposition for it, and isn’t necessarily better for the experience."

Omfg, this. This right here. I love you for this. Firestar has always been my personal favourite character, and the first series have always been the best for me, but what you have said right here is something that I agree with 100-fucking-percent. Firestar is not a Marysue, he only seems that way. Goddamn this made my day. Thank you.
Do you mind if I quote this on my profile? 
LOLfairycat23 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I read the description for this one. Well, I read some parts and skimmed others. That's what I do: I read the abridged version (this one made me laugh a lot by the way), then alternate between reading and skimming the description. :3
supercat88 Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013
tiogawolf Featured By Owner May 6, 2013
no dont be more brief! i cracked up at how true this is, and did you know that after being dead heavysteap comes back a few more times as well
EpikBecky Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Can I please make some of these into animated Warrior spoofs? I'll give you credit.
ezdav321 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012   General Artist
How to be greystripe:
Be cuddly
Piss off darkstripe
CloveTheFluffehKitty Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012
no its more like:
Be Cuddly
Piss off Darkstripe
and appear out of no where!
ezdav321 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012   General Artist
CloveTheFluffehKitty Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012
Litterally, do you not realize that he appears out of physically no where? xD lol
ezdav321 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012   General Artist
well once he walked into camp...
CloveTheFluffehKitty Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012
well, remember sorrelkit when darkstripe gave her the death berries and Graystripe appeared out of completely no where and attacked Darkstripe?
ezdav321 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012   General Artist
Oh my god XD
that was hilarious
CloveTheFluffehKitty Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012
Or when Firestar is getting attacked by Darkstripe and Graystripe appears, yet again, out of no where and kills Darkstripe. xD
(2 Replies)
ezdav321 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012   General Artist
How to be greystripe:
Be adorable
Piss off darkstripe
TheCluelessCat Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2012  Student Digital Artist
The descriptions are the reasons I read these. XD
MJITBPE310 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012
i always laugh at the descriptions so i read them!
Starpelt88 Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2012
Everything you wrote was hilarious, from the story to the description. I couldn't have made a summery better myself! I'm scheming to show this to my very nieve Warriors friend by showing her your summery and see how she reacts. LOL
OkamiLover22 Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012
Ask-Bladeheart Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2012
lol this is funny
brooktothe Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Student Artist
wow love the discription and the story i was going to make a story like this after my contest (except it's not tied to one certain book)
cutemute34 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
these descriptions are great! It's nice to see someone who goes in and analyses the whole thing.
hyperadam Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2012
Thanks, I'm glad you appreciate my ramblings. I do at least try to say things that are worthwhile. :D
cutemute34 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Tangletail1 Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2011
Firestar: *still talking to himself* Yay! StarClan! Happiness!
xZackFairLoverx Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2011
I seriously love you for writing this.
ChaseClouds Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2011  Student General Artist
LOL!!! If you coud turn the description into a text, I'd be in Love XD
spottedleaf106 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2011  Student Digital Artist
Firestar: Oh, hello, Spottedleaf.  You want to go under that tree and "celebrate"?
Sandstorm: *glare*…On second thought, let him die.
Cinderpelt: B-but…!
Sandstorm: If the blood loss doesn't kill him, I will.
Silverfur10 Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2011
AshfeatherofMoonclan Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"conquer the sorest us bastards!"LOL!:D
Shinyeeveebloodplz Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2011  Student Filmographer
Scourge: Now I shall get my revenge!
Tigerstar: Wait, revenge for what?
Scourge: What!? You savagely assaulted me when I was a kit! You are partially responsible for making me the bloodthirsty psychopath I am today!
Tigerstar: I don't even know who you are. Do you honestly expect me to keep track of every single kit I've beaten to within an inch of its life?
Scourge: Grrr...
evilbooboo Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist


dues ex machina means!

Beckypaw Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2011
I really like these things! Hahahahahahhahahahahahaha!
Mystyflower Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2011
*glare* on second thought let him die XD
xReddifx Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2011  Student General Artist
Leopardstar and Darkstripe are in love with Tigerstar.

tehe. Thats what I get every time I read The Darkest Hour.
hyperadam Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2011
Well, it is pretty obvious, isn't it? :XD:
xReddifx Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2011  Student General Artist
lmao yes.

one time i made a picture of darky and tiger flirting with each other. It was hilarious.
hyperadam Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2011
Well, less Tigerstar hitting on Darkstripe, more just ignoring him. :D
xReddifx Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2011  Student General Artist
lol yes.

Whenever Darkstripe says anything, he's just like SHUT UP!
hyperadam Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2011
It's an abusive relationship. :XD:
xReddifx Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2011  Student General Artist
Darky: Nice move there, Hawkfrost.
Darky: O-okay, master... ;w;
ColdDeadHeartOfMine Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
i'm probably one of...twenty, thirty? Fans who actually sit here and read the descripions. It's as freakin' hilarious as the actual thing!
hyperadam Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2011
Thanks! They do take a lot of time, but I'm always happy with how they turn out. Glad you like them. :D
ColdDeadHeartOfMine Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
No worries!
Mystyflower Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2011
*glare* if the blood lost dosnt kill him I will XDD
ColdDeadHeartOfMine Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Firestar: Great StarClan, Darkstripe. I can not even begin to describe how much your logic FAILS.
Darkstripe: It makes perfect sense, I'm trying to kill you because I blame you for what Scourge did.
Firestar: I'm not even going to continue this conversation, Graystripe!
Graystripe: Deus ex machina! *kills Darkstripe*.

cassie203 Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2011  Student General Artist
omg lol
Add a Comment:

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Literature by Hallowfoot


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