--The Darkest Hour--
Whitestorm: I'm foreshadowing my own death with hints at my suicidal lack of confidence!
Brindleface: With this life I give you protection...
Firestar: You mean as in, like, a condom? Because I see that Spottedleaf is here and...
Brindleface: No! Oh god, no!
Spottedleaf: With this life I give you love...
Fireheart: *excited* You mean like...
Spottedleaf: No. Unfortunately, not like that.
Fireheart: Aww...
*After Firestar's leadership ceremony*
Firestar: *wakes up, Cinderpelt is lying on top of him* Um... Cinderpelt? Why are you lying on top of me?
Cinderpelt: Oh, um... You were... rolling around in your sleep... And you rolled into me... Yeah...
Firestar: Then why are you on top?
Cinderpelt: You were really rolling around a lot...
*awkward silence*
Firestar: You can get off of me now.
Cinderpelt: Oh, right. I'll be getting off... right... about... now...
*While Firestar and Cinderpelt are staying in the barn*
Barley: Do you two want to spend the night with us?
Ravenpaw: *staring at Cinderpelt* I don't want to sleep with a girl!
Cinderpelt: *whispering* Umm
Firestar? Are you sure that you and Ravenpaw are, erm
"playing for the same team"?
Firestar:
What's that supposed to mean?
Darkstripe: I feel no loyalty towards ThunderClan. In the whole forest, the only cat worth following is Tigerstar.
Graystripe: If you love Tigerstar so much, why don't you marry him?
Darkstripe: MAYBE I WILL!
Tigerstar: I have an offer for you.
Leopardstar: What?
Tigerstar: We will join RiverClan and ShadowClan together, and henceforth be known as TigerClan. Then, we can rule together as joint leaders!
Leopardstar: I don't know...
Tigerstar: If you accept, I'll give you a "gift". *wink-wink*
Leopardstar: *blushing* W-what kind of "gift"...?
Tigerstar: I'll give you two hints: It's between my legs, and it is very large.
Leopardstar: *blushing even more* I-I accept!
Tigerstar: Okay, here you go. *Takes a very large acorn out from between his hind legs and drops it in front of Leopardstar*
Leopardstar: W-what? I thought you meant... How did you keep an acorn between your legs?
Tigerstar: Look, that doesn't matter, and, frankly, the answer is a bit embarrassing. The point is, you've just agreed to an irreversible verbal contract. I win!
Tigerstar: Now conquer the forest, you bastards!
TigerClan Cats: Conquer the forest, us bastards!
Tigerstar: Great StarClan, Darkstripe! I knew you FAIL, but god! I never knew it was possible to FAIL as epically as you do. You just got your ass kicked by a half starved prisoner!
Darkstripe: Sorry master.
Tigerstar: Just go FAIL somewhere else, okay?
Darkstripe: Yes master.
Scourge: Now I shall get my revenge!
Tigerstar: Wait, revenge for what?
Scourge: What!? You savagely assaulted me when I was a kit! You are partially responsible for making me the bloodthirsty psychopath I am today!
Tigerstar: I don't even know who you are. Do you honestly expect me to keep track of every single kit I've beaten to within an inch of its life?
Scourge: Grrr...
*After Scourge kills Tigerstar*
Firestar: Oh, jeez! Are you okay?
Whitestorm: Firestar, I just want to say that Bluestar could not have led us better in these terrible days. I've been proud to serve as your deputy.
Firestar: Whitestorm, you're talking as if...
Whitestorm: As if I'm going to die? Maybe I will...
Firestar: WITH THAT ATTITUDE YOU WILL!
Firestar: Great StarClan, Darkstripe. I can not even begin to describe how much your logic FAILS.
Darkstripe: It makes perfect sense, I'm trying to kill you because I blame you for what Scourge did.
Firestar: I'm not even going to continue this conversation, Graystripe!
Graystripe: Deus ex machina! *kills Darkstripe*.
Whitestorm: *dying* I...told you...so...
Whitestorm: Trust your heart, Firestar. You have always know that Graystripe is the cat StarClan destined to be your deputy.
Firestar: Look, for the last time, WE'RE NOT GAY!
*Cinderpelt treating Firestar's wounds*
Sandstorm: *glare* Alright, keep it above the waist.
Cinderpelt: Y-yes...
Firestar: Then I'll see you at the next Gathering. And Blackfoot, you would do well to learn from the mistakes of your predecessors. I saw what you did to Stonefur at the Bonehill.
Blackfoot: *worried* W-what are you going to do to me?
Firestar: Nothing.
Blackfoot: Nothing?
Firestar: Nothing. I'm also going to ignore you killing one of my Clan's elders in the first book. Now, let us never speak of anything you did in this series ever again.
Firestar: *talking to himself* Thank you, StarClan. Thank for staying with us, fifth Clan of the forest. How could I ever have though that I faced this battle alone?
Sandstorm:
Is Firestar okay?
Cinderpelt: I think he's hallucinating from blood loss. We should do something, or he might die again.
Firestar: *still talking to himself* Yay! StarClan! Happiness!
Sandstorm: Yeah, maybe we should do something
Firestar: Oh, hello, Spottedleaf. You want to go under that tree and "celebrate"?
Sandstorm: *glare*
On second thought, let him die.
Cinderpelt: B-but
!
Sandstorm: If the blood loss doesn't kill him, I will.
--- ---
Be cuddly
Piss off darkstripe
INSTANT BITCHES
Be Cuddly
Piss off Darkstripe
and appear out of no where!
well once he walked into camp...
that was hilarious