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(Contains: sexual themes)
--The Fourth Apprentice--

Yellowfang: Yeah, we kinda dropped the ball last time with the whole Hollyleaf thing; let's try not to screw up as badly this time, okay?

Onestar: WindClan would like to announce the death of our medicine cat, Barkface.  I think I speak for all of us when I say: "It took you long enough!"

Brambleclaw: Squirrelflight.  This is not your place to speak.  However, Leopardstar does have a point.
Berrynose: Ooh… Brambleclaw burned you good!
Squirrelflight: Shut up…

Jayfeather: (How dare Leafpool not help me regardless of how much I hated her helping me in the last series!  It makes me so angry I could just ignore her instead of talking this out with her like a mature individual!)

Jayfeather: Oh, and welcome to the Three.
Dovepaw: What?  Is this some kind of special club or something?
Jayfeather: Yes.  We have a secret handshake, too.

Firestar: You don't need to punish Leafpool any more than she has already been punished.  She has lost everything she ever loved.  And Squirrelflight has lost her mate.  Do you think that's easy for her?
Lionblaze: Stop trying to make me feel sympathy for others, dammit!

*After Leafpool sends Jayfeather into her flashback*
Jayfeather: Stop trying to make me sympathise with you!

Jayfeather: Did you hurt your back?
Dustpelt: Well... I might have while I was mating with Ferncloud.  We were going at it so intensely; I think I threw my back out while I was humping her.  It's the first time I was the one who felt it in the morning.
*awkward silence*
Jayfeather: Look, its bad enough you have to mate with Ferncloud every 5 minutes, but do you have to tell everyone about it?
Dustpelt: ...Maybe...

Breezepelt: Your mother betrayed my father and her Clan.
Jayfeather: Why should you care?  It's not your Clan, and our father is a total dick.  Besides, I hate Leafpool just as much as you do.
Breezepelt: Well, um… You're still a jerk!

Woody: My name's Woody, I've been getting food from the Twolegs for the last few moons.
Tigerheart: Wait, your name's Woody?  You mean as in-
Lionblaze: *flicks tail over Tigerheart's mouth* We haven't come to steal food from you or the Twolegs.  We're here because of the blocked stream.
Woody: You mean the beavers?
Tigerheart: Beavers?  You know, where we come from, "beaver" can also refer to a-
Lionblaze: *flicks tail over Tigerheart's mouth*

Whitetail: Wow.  That Woody sure knows a lot about those animals.
Rippletail: You know what they say, Woody knows his beavers.
Tigerheart: *snicker*

Tigerheart: Don't be scared, I'll look after you… with my penis.
Dovepaw: Your what?
Tigerheart: Nothing!
Lionblaze: *glare*

Breezepelt: What's this?  Another dilemma for ThunderClan?  You cats should really learn to control your emotions, you know.  Now you'll just have more kits who should never have been born.
Jayfeather: What?  We weren't going to...
Breezepelt: I know you weren't!
Jayfeather: Well that thing about kits made it sound like you were...
Breezepelt: Well I wasn't!

Breezepelt: Sending you to StarClan isn't enough of a punishment.  You need to know what it's like to have every cat in your Clan stare at you, whisper about you.  You need to know that you're surrounded by lies and hatred and things that should never have happened.
Jayfeather: You think we don't know that?  The worst of the lies were told about us.  We didn't even know who our real parents were
Breezepelt: MY LOGIC DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE!  I'M UPSET!   

*As Breezepelt is beating Jayfeather*
Jayfeather: Why have you only started trying to kill me now?
Breezepelt: Because before, I didn't have this! *Brokentail materializes behind Breezepelt*
Jayfeather: ...a Stand?
Breezepelt: Wha- No!
Brokentail: MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA.
Breezepelt: Not helping!

Breezepelt: Keep away! *starts batting Jayfeather back and forth like a beach ball with Brokentail*
Poppyfrost: Stop! *trying to catch Jayfeather as they beat him back and forth*
Jayfeather: (There are no words to describe what I am feeling now.)

Poppyfrost: Breezepelt, don't!  StarClan will be angry if you kill a medicine cat... and a pregnant she-cat... in the Moonpool... Basically you're doing pretty much everything that could piss of StarClan!
Breezepelt: Screw StarClan, I have father issues!*

* Yay, more plagiarism! ... I mean "homages"... Yeah, homages...

Dovepaw: *trying to move log* It's so big!
Tigerheart: Yeah, that's what she said.

Poppyfrost: Jayfeather, please wake up!
Jayfeather: Wha- what happened to me?
Poppyfrost: You fell unconscious at the end of your last chapter.
Jayfeather: But I was still talking to StarClan at the end of that chapter.
Poppyfrost: Then I guess you fell unconscious in the middle of a conversation.  How rude of you.

Cinderheart: *looking at Jayfeather's wounds* What happened to you?
Jayfeather: *looking around suspiciously* I... fell...

Hawkfrost: I'm back!  And after over a year of absence!
Brokentail: What about me?  I haven't been in the books for, like, six years.
Hawkfrost: No one cares about you!  Everyone is looking at ME, because I'M THE GODDAMN HAWKFROST.
Tigerstar: (I'm beginning to remember why I ditched him in the first place...)

Lionblaze: They're breaking through, and when the battle comes, it will be for real.
*silence*
Jayfeather: ...We're screwed, aren't we?
Lionblaze: Yeah, pretty much.

---  ---
Sorry for the wait, but here it is: My Warriors Abridged stuff for The Fourth Apprentice.

It seems the word of the day is “brusquely”, considering how often it is used in this book.

The prologue opens with a little meeting between Bluestar, Yellowfang, Spottedleaf, and Lionheart. Except for Bluestar, they all generally agree that not doing anything for an entire series wasn’t the best of ideas, because things didn’t turn out as well as they should have.

Now that’s an understatement. Sunrise was probably not what they wanted to happen, so they decide to actually tell the Three whatever they know this time. Bluestar disagrees and complains about how she’s wet, because that’s clearly the more important issue at hand.

Feathertail then intrudes on their conversation, and says that she’s just as concerned about Lionblaze and Jayfeather’s safety as they are because they are Crowfeather’s kits.

I’ve always been fine with Feathertail, and I was happy that she acknowledged that Crowfeather would have been happy with Leafpool. However, Leafpool seems to be having some, err… technical difficulties at the moment, so I fear she may try to swoop in and grab Crowfeather at some point.

I’m not in attack mode yet, but from the way she’s talking here, I can’t help but feel she is overstepping her bounds here, so I may need to attack depending on which course of action she takes.

Anyway, they also talk about “the One”, who is basically the real Third, but is also called the Fourth Apprentice, because even though Hollyleaf wasn’t part of the Three, she is still counted as the Third Apprentice even though the Fourth is the One, who is the real Third. Have fun keeping track of those numbers, kids.

Yellowfang decides that she will give the One an “Omen of the Stars”, not wasting any time dropping the title of the series on us.

Our first chapter begins at the Gathering, and it seems that the Clans are going through a drought, and pretty much the whole lake has dried up. So yeah, nothing too major has happened since the last book.

When it’s Leopardstar’s turn to speak, she has a massive bitch fit about how the other Clans are stealing prey from RiverClan by salvaging dead fish from the dried up lake.

Just like you’d expect at a “ peaceful ” Gathering, everybody yells at each other. We also see Brambleclaw acting like a dick towards Squirrelflight. As expected: they have issues. A book like Sunrise does that to you. (NGE with cats)

The Gathering ends and Lionblaze and Jayfeather talk about what happened. According to Jayfeather, the reason Leopardstar is in one of her “moods” is because she’s been dying a lot lately. That does tend to dampen one’s mood, doesn’t it?

Apparently, she got a small cut that got infected, and she died from it. And then after that, she got sick again and was so weak she couldn’t fetch water for herself and died of dehydration. These two deaths come close to Graypool’s for most fail death in the series, but the fact that they happened to the same cat, and so close together, means we may have a new champion.

We are once again reminded of Jayfeather’s creepy-know-it-all-stalker powers. He could abuse them so easily if he wasn’t the only protagonist who is pretty much asexual.

Back at ThunderClan camp, Jayfeather then proceeds to complain about how Leafpool resigned from her post as medicine cat, and she’s not around to help him. Full stop. Didn’t he spend the majority of the previous series complaining about how she helped him too much?

Yes. And now he’s complaining about the exact opposite thing. He acknowledges how hypocritical this sounds, but he still complains. Good’ol Jayfeather. You want to slap him so much that you can’t help but love him.

He then has a flashback of himself failing to save Firestar after he got injured by a fox. Because of Jayfeather’s inaction, Firestar loses a life, and he feels that things would have been different if Leafpool was there.

Now this scene makes me think. Does being a leader mean you die all the time for no reason? I mean, how many characters have been killed by a fox? Firestar and his patrol should have easily been able to fight off a single fox!

For that matter, Firestar was coincidentally the only casualty.

Anyway, Jayfeather thinks some overall pretty mean things about Leafpool, one particularly nasty one being a remark about how before he had a mother to be proud of, but now he only has Leafpool. Ouch.

We are then introduced to Ivykit and Dovekit who, like all kits, are being curious and mischievous. They talk about how they want to do everything together as warriors, a sibling bond only seen in main characters for some reason. Jayfeather thinks about how one of them is the real Third, but he’s not quiet sure which one.

We then learn that Berrynose has just gotten Poppyfrost pregnant. You know, his previous mate’s sister. Yes, her sister. There are no words to describe the awkwardness here.

There’s also the fact that she gives birth right at the end of the book. Since the average amount of time that passes during one full book is close to the gestation period for cats, this makes it sound like he’s saying “Hey guys, I just finished mating with Poppyfrost. I think she may be pregnant.”

Anyway, next up is Ivykit and Dovekit’s apprentice ceremony. Dovepaw get Lionblaze as her mentor, and Ivypaw gets Cinderpeltheart. The new apprentices go out on a water patrol with their new mentors. RiverClan is still aggressively protecting whatever is left of the lake, making walking all the way down to get water even more of a chore.

The mud in the lakebed is also dangerous, and very… muddy. Berrynose and Spiderleg end up getting stuck in the mud. Thornclaw goes out to find something to pry them out with and comes back with Jayfeather’s stick.

Jayfeather then comes out of nowhere and starts yelling at Thornclaw for fooling around with his stick. Pedophile?

It seems that Thornclaw is getting so desperate that he has started sexually harassing Jayfeather. He really needs to get laid.

They manage to save Spiderleg and Berrynose using Jayfeather’s stick, but then a RiverClan warrior, Rainstorm, gets stuck in an even deeper mud hole and almost drowns. What is with RiverClan and dying pathetically? For a Clan apparently so obsessed with beauty, they sure don’t go out with a lot of dignity.

Once again using Jayfeather’s magic stick of wonders as a makeshift reaching pole, they manage to pull him out in time. They take him back to ThunderClan camp, and Thornclaw suggests holding Rainstorm hostage in exchange for some fish.

After the usual discussing of how right or wrong something is, they decide against it and escort Rainstorm back to RiverClan camp after he gets some rest. Dovepaw and Lionblaze are among the patrol, and when they get to RiverClan camp, Dovepaw says that there’s a sick cat in the camp.

Not bothering to show us Lionblaze’s reaction to an odd statement like this, the book jumps to about one moon later. Dovepaw then has a dream where Yellowfang talks to her about some stuff that isn’t really relevant to the prophecy, and then gives her another vague prophecy that she probably doesn’t understand because she doesn’t know about the other prophecy yet.

So is this really the best StarClan can do? And it took them a moon to do it? They’re probably going to do something noteworthy later, but this can’t be described as anything but procrastinating. Kind of like what I do.

After she wakes up, some of the older warriors are at the fresh kill pile talking about what caused the lake to become drained. Dovepaw then cuts in and says that it was the brown animals. No one seems to know what she is talking about, which confuses her because she clearly saw the brown animals somewhere upstream when Lionblaze took her to the border with ShadowClan. Everyone still thinks she’s crazy.

Now, these “brown animals”, as we learn later in the book, are beavers. The beavers prompt me to surrender a little more of my originality by telling bunch of jokes that are admittedly inspired by all the double entendres in YuGiOh Abridged whenever Yugi plays Beaver Warrior. Remember, you should never leave your beaver exposed.

Lionblaze then pulls her aside to talk to her in private. He gets Jayfeather, and together they try to test her powers. It seems that the reason she saw the beavers when no one else did was because her senses can act over an incredibly long distance.

Jayfeather then tells her about the prophecy and says they need to keep it a secret. Dovepaw already shows displeasure at being involved, because she doesn’t want to be different, Lionblaze later comparing it to “the loneliest feeling in the world”. The seeds of her growing mental issues have already been sown; this prophecy is pretty serious sanity retardant.

Lionblaze then decides to talk to Firestar about sending a patrol upstream. He mentions that he thought he say some truth in what Dovepaw said, and tells him of the possibility of them finding the problem causing the lake to be drained.

Firestar also tries to convince Lionblaze to try and be more sympathetic towards Leafpool and Squirrelflight, an idea that Lionblaze does not like one bit.

You’ve just got to love how flawed Jay and Lion are. Jayfeather’s just… Jayfeather, and although Lionblaze at least realizes how psychotic he can be at times, he is also blatantly expressing hatred towards both his adoptive and biological mothers.

Anyway, Firestar decides that they should arrange a patrol with two cats from each Clan, so at the next Gathering, they… arrange a patrol with two cats from each Clan. At the Gathering, Crowfeather also gets his only line of dialogue in the entire book. So much for being a major character. Y'know, if you think about it, Crowfeather's really only a major character when he's sleeping with other major characters... (I'll try to keep an eye out for if Crowfeather becomes more important, and Leafpool seems happier...)

RiverClan sends Rippletail and Petalfur, WindClan sends Whitetail and Sedgewhisker, and ShadowClan sends Tigerheart and Toadfoot. So yeah, almost all minor characters. Firestar decides to send Lionblaze and Dovepaw, presumably because he knows about them being in the prophecy, something that never came up until this book even though we know he has known about the prophecy the whole time.

As the cats head upstream, Jayfeather is left in camp, and Ivypaw seems to be having attitude problems because her sister was chosen and not her, and she has been left alone. In her frustration, she (somehow) kicks a rock that (somehow) hits Mousefur. The seeds of insanity have been planted.

Trying to escape from the immense feelings of guilt that Leafpool being proud of him inspires, he runs down to the lake and meets up with a ThunderClan water patrol. It is apparent that there are some issues between Poppyfrost and Berrynose, and as much as Jayfeather doesn’t like getting involved in other cats’ business, as usual, it happens anyway.

Anyway, the patrol also bumps in to Breezepelt, who is being a dick. More of a dick than usual, actually. He tells Jayfeather that he hates Leafpool, and that he will never forgive Jayfeather for what he’s done. And what is that? Existing, as far as I can understand. I’m also not sure why Breezepelt couldn’t have communicated these feeling to Jayfeather during one of the seven or so Gatherings since Sunrise.

As the cats sent upstream continue to voyage through dogs, twolegs, and sheep (oh my!), they continue to develop a closer bond. Tigerheart in particular seems to take a liking to Dovepaw *hint hint*.

Back at camp, Jayfeather tries to figure what’s the matter with Poppyfrost after Cinderheart tells him something is wrong and throws out a non sequitor about how much she misses Hollyleaf.

Apparently Poppyfrost thinks that Berrynose doesn’t love her because he’s always sending her away to the nursery, and feels guilty for stealing him from Honeyfern. She thinks that Berrynose has always really loved her sister, and she wants to talk to her in StarClan.

Back to the journeying cats, they have finally found the beavers, and it seems that they were brought by twolegs who apparently are supposed to be environmental scientists. Wouldn’t environmental scientists know that introducing a new species into an ecosystem was, oh I don’t know, a bad idea? The beavers don’t really go out and prey on local animals, so they don’t causes nearly as much damage as they could, but their dam causes some problems. Now, the scientists wouldn’t have known about the cats at the lake, but the stream being blocked still was the thing that was most likely responsible for that rotting deer carcass they found along the way.

Anyway, they meet up with a cat named Woody, who… HAHAHAHA! Sorry, I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that they have a character named Woody who knows a lot about beavers. This is just hilarious. Possibly even more so than the fact that the villain of the Ravenpaw manga is named Willie (what kind of name is “Willie” for an ex-BloodClanner?).

Another thing about Woody: He’s pretty much the only non-Clan cat we’ve seen use the word “Twolegs”, and the book points out that he isn’t confused by Tigerheart mentioning “StarClan”. I suspect that he may know something, and for all we know, could show up later. But at the same time, he is also a very minor character. And his name is Woody. Woody.

Anyway, ignoring Woody’s advice, the cats decide to try and dismantle the dam while the beavers are sleeping. It doesn’t work very well, and in the resulting battle, Rippletail gets severely wounded and bleeds to death some time later.

Meanwhile, back with Jayfeather (damn, non-linear storytelling is a bitch to summarize… ), Poppyfrost has run off to the Moonpool to try and talk to Honeyfern. Jayfeather finds her at the pool and says he’s going to take her back home, like how he dragged her back from StarClan when she was dying. She then asks if he could send her to StarClan and bring her like he did then.

Before Jayfeather can explain, Breezepelt cuts in and offers to send her to StarClan himself. So basically, he’s going to kill her. He mentions that his Clanmates will give him an alibi, and that the blame will fall on Jayfeather when her dead body is found floating in the Moonpool.

Jayfeather than attacks Breezepelt, but that doesn’t really work at all because he’s blind, and has no training. Keeping his claws sheathed, Breezepelt starts to give Jayfeather a savage beating. Poppyfrost is unable to stop him because she’s too pregnant.

Breezepelt then brings out Brokentail (well, the book doesn’t name him, but it’s pretty obvious it’s Brokentail), and they proceed to beat Jayfeather back and forth like a beach ball. It’s almost kind of funny, actually. I also take the opportunity to make an obscure reference that very few of you will get, much like the material I take inspiration from.

Just as Breezepelt unsheathes his claws and starts to get serious, Honeyfern appears, and she and Jayfeather manage to drive Brokentail and Breezepelt away.

After Honeyfern tells Jayfeather that Berrynose does love Poppyfrost and is just being protective of her, Yellowfang shows up and tells Jayfeather that she knows who was fighting along with Breezepelt (maybe because it was her son), and that the forces of the Dark Forest are rising, leaving StarClan almost powerless to stop them.

Meanwhile, back at the dam, the journeying cats, minus Rippletail, decide to re-evaluate their strategy for destroying the dam. They realise that if the pull out the supporting logs, the dam will collapse on itself. With the help of Woody and some kittypets they encountered earlier, they manage to destroy the dam just in time, and the escaping water sends them down the stream, making their return trip much shorter.

In the meantime (damn you, non-linear storytelling!), Jayfeather comes back from the Moonpool, and decides to consult the stick for answers. When Rock appears, he tells Jayfeather that he cannot stop the war between StarClan and the Place of No Stars, because it is needed to bring some closure to the series. When he says there have been too many lies, Jayfeather asks if he knew about his real parents all along. Rock says yes, and when Jayfeather asks why he didn’t tell him earlier, Rock says that knowing wasn’t in his destiny and that it was for the prophecy.

Fed up with being destiny’s plaything, Jayfeather breaks the stick on a sharp rock in a fit of rage. As a storm rages above, he… well, cats don’t have tear ducts, so they can’t cry, but he’s screaming to himself, and is sort of crying-ish. This is by far the most dramatic scene about someone breaking a piece of wood in half that you will ever read. Ever.

The journeying cats come back a bit later, and Dovepaw and Lionblaze are given a hero’s welcome among ThunderClan. Dovepaw is just happy to be home with Ivypaw, unaware of how much of a brat her sister was without her around. They see Jayfeather looking like he had aged considerably since they left. This make sense considering what he has been through, but since I’ve always pictured Jayfeather as seeming older than he is, this just seemed awkward to me.

Anyway, Poppyfrost then gives birth a few sunrises later. Upon the kits’ birth, Tigerstar, Hawkfrost, and Brokentail show up from the Dark Forest to try and rape take them with them. Lionblaze and Jayfeather are the only ones that can see them, and they disappear shortly afterwards.

Lionblaze and Jayfeather discuss the Dark Forest, and Lionblaze tells Jayfeather about how Tigerstar used to train him in his dreams. Jayfeather doesn’t really react to this news, which is weird, considering he broke his precious stick over Rock keeping a secret from him.

The book ends with their recognition of the threat of the upcoming battle, and we’re left waiting for the next book to see how it will play out.




Inspired by YuGiOh the Abridged Series by LittleKuriboh (CardGamesFTW)

I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS!

All characters are from WARRIORS by Erin Hunter
WARRIORS is © Harper Collins
Add a Comment:
 
:iconskyslashercat:
SkySlasherCat Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"MUDAMUDAMUDA!' Lawl. :XD: :XD: And Breezepelt's logic is half-cracked.
Reply
:iconshamonessmjlover:
ShamonessMJLover Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012
I FREAKING LOVE THESE!! I READ EVERY ONE !!!!
Reply
:iconariannalee01:
ariannalee01 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Agree. ;D
Reply
:iconclovethefluffehkitty:
CloveTheFluffehKitty Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012
How dare Leafpool not help me regardless of how much I hated her helping me in the last series! It makes me so angry I could just ignore her instead of talking this out with her like a mature individual!

xD
that was really funny lol!
Reply
:iconmjitbpe310:
MJITBPE310 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012
NUMBERS CONFUSE ME NOW!!!! And reading that stick scene (wow that sounds... wrong) reading that jayfeather moment breaking h- the stick and then 'crying' (yowling bascly) i was like 'its a stick with lines,.m. on it. GET OVER IT JAYFEATHERSOKL' gfv now i got a kitten to play with at 11:41 at night. and hes eating my computer BAD SPAZ! yes his name is spaz XD
Reply
:iconfadedshell:
Fadedshell Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012
hahaha
Reply
:iconevilkitten3:
Evilkitten3 Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Am I the only one wishing that Hunter would just kill off Firestar already? I mean, we all love him and everything, but seriously. He's been in ALL of the books. He even made a cameo in the background of the last panel in 'The Rise of Scourge'.
Reply
:iconcupcaketeakitten:
CupcakeTeaKitten Featured By Owner May 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
L-LOL...
We has a secret handshake, Dovey...
And the fangirls can have Hawkfrost, I'm going to stay away from him XD
I hate him for trying to kill Firestar (TIGERSTAR TRIED TOO, BUT I APPARENTLY DON'T CARE XD)
Reply
:icontoby21342:
toby21342 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Then I guess you fell unconscious in the middle of a conversation. How rude of you. xDDDDD <3 Love this.
Reply
:icondollygolly11:
dollygolly11 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hay do i fave this?!
Reply
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