[x]

As A Clan Cat I Will Not...As a Clan cat, I will not…

1. Tell Tigerstar to get a life.
2. Make any remarks about Longtail compensating for something.
3. Ask Jayfeather "How many fingers am I holding up?"
4. Tell Crowfeather "I totally hit that" when talking about Leafpool or Feathertail.
5. Ask Ravenpaw and Barley who's on top.
6. Refer to Crowfeather as "Crowy", Jayfeather as "Jay-Jay", Tigerstar as "Tiggystar", etc.
7. Make any remarks about the length of Jayfeather's stick.
8. Make any remarks about Lionblaze exploring Heathertail's tunnels.
9. Make any remarks about how Hollyleaf never did anything that can be used as a sexual innuendo.
10. Taunt Cro

Lessons: WarriorsThe Lessons Warriors Has Taught Us :

1. Violence doesn't solve all problems, but it does solve some. And they should be solved very violently.
2. Cats can have accents.
3. Old people are funny.
4. If your girlfriend dies, the default response is to sleep with her sister.
5. No matter how right you are, you're still wrong in some way.
6. Your logic doesn't have to make sense if you're angry enough.
7. Always use a condom.
8. Killing your half-brother solves all of your problems for 6-12 months.
9. Having fangirls gives you the right to do virtually anything without being considered evil *cough*Ashfur*cough*Scourge*cough*.

The Crow and The Jay Crowfeather drifted uneasily through his dreams that night. What Hollyleaf had revealed at the recent Gathering had almost destroyed everything that he had worked so hard to build. He had just barely managed to save his reputation.
But at what cost? He thought, recalling the harsh words he had said to Leafpool.
Trying to shake off his feelings of regret he continued to stumble through moor until he heard a noise nearby calling for him.
"Hello?" a voice mewed in the distance.
Crowfeather froze. Who – or what – could be calling for him? Suddenly a small grey body popped up over the hills
"There you are," it meowed. Cr

I'm Sorry. Leafpool wandered through the undergrowth near the stream bordering ThunderClan and WindClan. She was searching for berries and trying to wrap her head around the events of the past few sunrises.
Suddenly, she heard a cat hiss her name from a nearby bush. Startled, she followed the voice until she saw whose it was.
"Crowfeather!" She gasped as she saw the grey black tom crouched under the bush.
Both cats tensed as they saw each other, and an awkward silence filled the air for a few heartbeats.
"I wanted to talk to you," Crowfeather murmured, looking down, "About what happened at the Gathering. Is it really true, what Hollyleaf sai

Taboo and Liberation 2 of 5Title: Taboo and Liberation, Part 2/5
Author: Kyrianne
Fandom: Red vs Blue
Pairing: Grif/Simmons
Rating: R
Word Count: 2238
Summary: Through a single drastic act, Simmons sets a new path for himself that he never knew existed, and he's not sure if he wants to take it.
Disclaimer: I am neither a Rooster nor a Teeth.
A/N: I'm sure you all hate me for the last part. I hope this will make it up to you.

---

He was suddenly aware of himself drifting through a thick fog of blackness. He tried to move, but found himself immobile. It didn't worry him. He wondered if this was the afterlife.

The nothingness was calming. Soothing.

"Simmons!"

Another 10 Ways to Annoy Warriors10. Buy Dustpelt and Ferncloud birth control pills.
9. Ask Lionblaze if he thinks Jayfeather's attractive.
8. Trip Berrynose. When he becomes mad at you, roll your eyes and say "It wouldn't happen if you had a semi-functional tail".
7. Tell Lionblaze that Cinderheart didn't actually care about the prophecy, she was just looking for an excuse to break up.
6. Ask Graystripe about his "thing" for silver she-cats.
5. At a Gathering, loudly announce that Crowfeather is the real father of Lillykit and Seedkit.
4. Go up to Breezepelt and sing loudly "Tomorrow";
"The sun'll come out, tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow..."
3. Sug

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Warriors Abridged - ItW

by ~hyperadam, Nov 17, 2009, 4:56:14 PM
Fan Art / Fan Fiction

--Into the Wild--

Spottedleaf: Why do we care so much about Sunningrocks again?
Bluestar: Because we are cats.  The only thing we like more than lying around doing nothing is doing it on some heated rocks.
Spottedleaf: What about talking down to Twolegs knowing that they can't understand us?
Bluestar: That too.

Bluestar: If you join the Clan, you will remain a tom.
Rusty: Since when did this conversation become about my man parts?
Bluestar: I dunno... I thought it would make my argument more persuasive...
Rusty: Well, the idea of living in the wild was enough for me.  Besides, I don't even use them for, like, a year.

Lionheart: That tabby is Longtail...
Rusty: Longtail?  Sounds like he's compensating for something...

Graypaw: That's Spottedleaf, our medicine cat.  If you ask me, it's a crime against nature to be a medicine cat with a body like that...
Firepaw: Aren't we a little young to be thinking such lustful thoughts...?
Graypaw: Yeah, what's up with that?

Graypaw: That's Darkstripe, he FAILS.  Just pointing that out.  It is very difficult to FAIL more than him.  I can't wait until Book 6 when I kill him.
Firepaw: What?

Lionheart: You see now why prey is so precious, why we must fight to protect what little we have.
Firepaw: But that seems foolish!  Why can't the Clans work together and share their hunting grounds instead of fighting each other?
Everyone: *shock!*
Lionheart: That's the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard!
Tigerclaw: How dare you support a system of government that doesn't cause pointless fighting or have minor communist and fascist overtones!

*Lionheart teaching Firepaw the warrior code.  We never actually see this, but it had to happen at some point, right?*
Lionheart: ...and of course, medicine cats cannot take on a mate or have kits.
Firepaw: Wait... So Spottedleaf is off limits?
Lionheart: Yes.  Of course...
Firepaw: MOUSE DUNG!
Lionheart: ...But if she wasn't... I'd definitely patrol her borders, if you know what I mean.
Firepaw: KEEP YOUR PAWS OFF HER!
Lionheart: Exactly.  We're supposed to.  Why are you so agitated all of a sudden?
Firepaw: No reason...

Lionheart: It sure is great that we can train our apprentices together, Tigerclaw.
Tigerclaw: Yes.  It's nice that our three young apprentices can spend so much time alone with us muscular, older tom cats.
Lionheart: Oh yes.  If we could only get Whitestorm out here, we would have the three most attractive male warriors in the clan out in the forest alone with a group of young cats.  What a great idea Ravenpaw!
Ravenpaw: I'M NOT GAY!
Lionheart: What?
Ravenpaw: I-I'm...um... I'm enjoying this, but for reasons other than the ones you're thinking of!
Firepaw: ...

*Spottedleaf nuzzles Firepaw as he bends over to pick up herbs.*
Firepaw: ...I know this is technically sexual harassment, and pedophilia, but I don't care...

*Whitestorm guarding the nursery after Brindleface's kitting*
Firepaw: So, are you the father?
Whitestorm: What?  No!  What in StarClan's name made you think that?
Firepaw: Well, you're guarding the nursery...
Whitestorm: That doesn't mean anything.  I'm a warrior, that's what we do.  Guard stuff.
Firepaw: Yes, but...
Whitestorm: Look, I'm not the father.  I have no idea where people got this ridiculous idea.  I mean, what's next?  Frostfur and Runningwind are mates because they were standing within 5 feet of each other for over a minute?

Firepaw: Good-bye, my sweet Spottedleaf...
Graypaw: Woah, what was up with that?
Firepaw: What?
Graypaw: That line.  She's, like, much, much older than you.  "My sweet" doesn't sound like a normal way to address a lover that is more than twice your age.  Plus, you haven't had exactly expressed your feelings for each other at this point, so that was kinda awkward.
Firepaw: Don't we have a mission to do?

Ravenpaw: Are you guys sure it's okay to leave me alone in a barn with this mysterious stranger?
Firepaw: Yeah, everything's fine!
Graypaw: Don't worry about it!  Well, we'll see you when we see you.  We've got some...generic underage hero stuff to do... *leaves*
Ravenpaw: Wait! ... *staring awkwardly at Barley* ...
Barley: ...Hey, kid.  Do you know what "sodomy" is?
Ravenpaw: *gulp*

Brokenstar: Now feel the wrath of my elite warriors!... and Clawface.
Clawface: Hey!
Brokenstar: Oh, shut up Clawface.  The only fight you actually win is against a medicine cat.  Now that's sad.

---   ---

Warriors Abridged - ItWby ~hyperadam

Fan Art / Fan Fiction

Mature Content

What happens when you take a Warriors fan and make him watch too much YuGiOh Abridged?

This, apparently.

It’s pretty much exactly what it sounds like, an Abridged Series style parody of Into the Wild (although I think I wrote a few of these before I started watching YuGiOh Abridged, I’m not sure).

I don’t have many for the first series books because I haven’t read them in a while, but I thought I should post my ItW jokes first since it’s, y’know, the first book.

I’ll probably post stuff for books where I have more material (it's pretty much slim pickings up until Twilight, which is the point where I first came up with this idea), even though posting stuff out of order will probably kill me (!!OCD!!). This definitely isn’t the last you’ll see of me.

Ugh, I don’t know how much of this is my natural tendency to hate all of my work when looking at it in retrospect, but I don’t feel these are my best jokes...

Oh well. Enjoy!

Inspired by YuGiOh the Abridged Series by LittleKuriboh (CardGamesFTW)

I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS!

All characters are from WARRIORS by Erin Hunter
WARRIORS is © Harper Collins

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~SkySlasherCat May 21, 2013 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

'Now feel the wrath of my elite warriors!...and Clawface.'

*dragonwolf98765 Feb 1, 2013 Hobbyist Digital Artist

When Firepaw enters the clan, he is about six human years old. He then falls in love with Spottedleaf, even though she is much older than him. This is about the equivalent of a first grader having a crush on a forty-two year old woman. 0__o

~Zellaofthestars Mar 29, 2013 Hobbyist Digital Artist

Six MOONS OLD *months.*
And spottedleaf was only like a year and a half,i mean there has been worse, like jaypaw,who was like seven months old,and a century old tribe cat XD

*dragonwolf98765 Mar 29, 2013 Hobbyist Digital Artist

Spottedleaf was actually about 3 and a half years old when Firepaw entered the clan. But I never really thught about how much older Half Moon was than Jaypaw. XD

~Zellaofthestars Mar 29, 2013 Hobbyist Digital Artist

Wow how would you know? Not trying to sound mean,im actually interested.
But yeah she's like centuries old, its a little weird XD
But spottedleaf..I don't think she was that old.i mean,in bluestars prophecy, she was just apprenticed as a medicine cat, then a couple moons pasted..and then she saw the fire will save our clan.

*dragonwolf98765 Mar 29, 2013 Hobbyist Digital Artist

Yeah, the Erins do a lot of timeline rape in the Super Editions. I found Spottedleaf's approximate age of death on the warriors Wiki.

~Zellaofthestars Mar 29, 2013 Hobbyist Digital Artist

HM, ok XD

*dragonwolf98765 Feb 1, 2013 Hobbyist Digital Artist

When Firepaw enters the Clan, he is about six human years old. Around that time, he falls in love with Spottedleaf, even though she is much older than him. So old, it's about the equivalent of a first grader having a crush on a forty-two year old woman.

~Poemonfanzo Jul 27, 2012 Student Digital Artist

The `Get off of me, you great lump!` Thing. Heh heh heh...

*Silver-Rainbow-Kitty Jul 17, 2012

XD
You know when Graypaw says how Spottedleaf is young and pretty and Darkstripe isn't?
Spottedleaf is actually older than him.

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