--Into the Wild--
Spottedleaf: Why do we care so much about Sunningrocks again?
Bluestar: Because we are cats. The only thing we like more than lying around doing nothing is doing it on some heated rocks.
Spottedleaf: What about talking down to Twolegs knowing that they can't understand us?
Bluestar: That too.
Bluestar: If you join the Clan, you will remain a tom.
Rusty: Since when did this conversation become about my man parts?
Bluestar: I dunno... I thought it would make my argument more persuasive...
Rusty: Well, the idea of living in the wild was enough for me. Besides, I don't even use them for, like, a year.
Lionheart: That tabby is Longtail...
Rusty: Longtail? Sounds like he's compensating for something...
Graypaw: That's Spottedleaf, our medicine cat. If you ask me, it's a crime against nature to be a medicine cat with a body like that...
Firepaw: Aren't we a little young to be thinking such lustful thoughts...?
Graypaw: Yeah, what's up with that?
Graypaw: That's Darkstripe, he FAILS. Just pointing that out. It is very difficult to FAIL more than him. I can't wait until Book 6 when I kill him.
Lionheart: You see now why prey is so precious, why we must fight to protect what little we have.
Firepaw: But that seems foolish! Why can't the Clans work together and share their hunting grounds instead of fighting each other?
Lionheart: That's the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard!
Tigerclaw: How dare you support a system of government that doesn't cause pointless fighting or have minor communist and fascist overtones!
*Lionheart teaching Firepaw the warrior code. We never actually see this, but it had to happen at some point, right?*
Lionheart: ...and of course, medicine cats cannot take on a mate or have kits.
Firepaw: Wait... So Spottedleaf is off limits?
Lionheart: Yes. Of course...
Firepaw: MOUSE DUNG!
Lionheart: ...But if she wasn't... I'd definitely patrol her borders, if you know what I mean.
Firepaw: KEEP YOUR PAWS OFF HER!
Lionheart: Exactly. We're supposed to. Why are you so agitated all of a sudden?
Firepaw: No reason...
Lionheart: It sure is great that we can train our apprentices together, Tigerclaw.
Tigerclaw: Yes. It's nice that our three young apprentices can spend so much time alone with us muscular, older tom cats.
Lionheart: Oh yes. If we could only get Whitestorm out here, we would have the three most attractive male warriors in the clan out in the forest alone with a group of young cats. What a great idea Ravenpaw!
Ravenpaw: I'M NOT GAY!
Ravenpaw: I-I'm...um... I'm enjoying this, but for reasons other than the ones you're thinking of!
*Spottedleaf nuzzles Firepaw as he bends over to pick up herbs.*
Firepaw: ...I know this is technically sexual harassment, and pedophilia, but I don't care...
*Whitestorm guarding the nursery after Brindleface's kitting*
Firepaw: So, are you the father?
Whitestorm: What? No! What in StarClan's name made you think that?
Firepaw: Well, you're guarding the nursery...
Whitestorm: That doesn't mean anything. I'm a warrior, that's what we do. Guard stuff.
Firepaw: Yes, but...
Whitestorm: Look, I'm not the father. I have no idea where people got this ridiculous idea. I mean, what's next? Frostfur and Runningwind are mates because they were standing within 5 feet of each other for over a minute?
Firepaw: Good-bye, my sweet Spottedleaf...
Graypaw: Woah, what was up with that?
Graypaw: That line. She's, like, much, much older than you. "My sweet" doesn't sound like a normal way to address a lover that is more than twice your age. Plus, you haven't had exactly expressed your feelings for each other at this point, so that was kinda awkward.
Firepaw: Don't we have a mission to do?
Ravenpaw: Are you guys sure it's okay to leave me alone in a barn with this mysterious stranger?
Firepaw: Yeah, everything's fine!
Graypaw: Don't worry about it! Well, we'll see you when we see you. We've got some...generic underage hero stuff to do... *leaves*
Ravenpaw: Wait! ... *staring awkwardly at Barley* ...
Barley: ...Hey, kid. Do you know what "sodomy" is?
Brokenstar: Now feel the wrath of my elite warriors!... and Clawface.
Brokenstar: Oh, shut up Clawface. The only fight you actually win is against a medicine cat. Now that's sad.