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November 17, 2009
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(Contains: sexual themes)
--Into the Wild--

Spottedleaf: Why do we care so much about Sunningrocks again?
Bluestar: Because we are cats.  The only thing we like more than lying around doing nothing is doing it on some heated rocks.
Spottedleaf: What about talking down to Twolegs knowing that they can't understand us?
Bluestar: That too.

Bluestar: If you join the Clan, you will remain a tom.
Rusty: Since when did this conversation become about my man parts?
Bluestar: I dunno... I thought it would make my argument more persuasive...
Rusty: Well, the idea of living in the wild was enough for me.  Besides, I don't even use them for, like, a year.

Lionheart: That tabby is Longtail...
Rusty: Longtail?  Sounds like he's compensating for something...

Graypaw: That's Spottedleaf, our medicine cat.  If you ask me, it's a crime against nature to be a medicine cat with a body like that...
Firepaw: Aren't we a little young to be thinking such lustful thoughts...?
Graypaw: Yeah, what's up with that?

Graypaw: That's Darkstripe, he FAILS.  Just pointing that out.  It is very difficult to FAIL more than him.  I can't wait until Book 6 when I kill him.
Firepaw: What?

Lionheart: You see now why prey is so precious, why we must fight to protect what little we have.
Firepaw: But that seems foolish!  Why can't the Clans work together and share their hunting grounds instead of fighting each other?
Everyone: *shock!*
Lionheart: That's the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard!
Tigerclaw: How dare you support a system of government that doesn't cause pointless fighting or have minor communist and fascist overtones!

*Lionheart teaching Firepaw the warrior code.  We never actually see this, but it had to happen at some point, right?*
Lionheart: ...and of course, medicine cats cannot take on a mate or have kits.
Firepaw: Wait... So Spottedleaf is off limits?
Lionheart: Yes.  Of course...
Firepaw: MOUSE DUNG!
Lionheart: ...But if she wasn't... I'd definitely patrol her borders, if you know what I mean.
Firepaw: KEEP YOUR PAWS OFF HER!
Lionheart: Exactly.  We're supposed to.  Why are you so agitated all of a sudden?
Firepaw: No reason...

Lionheart: It sure is great that we can train our apprentices together, Tigerclaw.
Tigerclaw: Yes.  It's nice that our three young apprentices can spend so much time alone with us muscular, older tom cats.
Lionheart: Oh yes.  If we could only get Whitestorm out here, we would have the three most attractive male warriors in the clan out in the forest alone with a group of young cats.  What a great idea Ravenpaw!
Ravenpaw: I'M NOT GAY!
Lionheart: What?
Ravenpaw: I-I'm...um... I'm enjoying this, but for reasons other than the ones you're thinking of!
Firepaw: ...

*Spottedleaf nuzzles Firepaw as he bends over to pick up herbs.*
Firepaw: ...I know this is technically sexual harassment, and pedophilia, but I don't care...

*Whitestorm guarding the nursery after Brindleface's kitting*
Firepaw: So, are you the father?
Whitestorm: What?  No!  What in StarClan's name made you think that?
Firepaw: Well, you're guarding the nursery...
Whitestorm: That doesn't mean anything.  I'm a warrior, that's what we do.  Guard stuff.
Firepaw: Yes, but...
Whitestorm: Look, I'm not the father.  I have no idea where people got this ridiculous idea.  I mean, what's next?  Frostfur and Runningwind are mates because they were standing within 5 feet of each other for over a minute?

Firepaw: Good-bye, my sweet Spottedleaf...
Graypaw: Woah, what was up with that?
Firepaw: What?
Graypaw: That line.  She's, like, much, much older than you.  "My sweet" doesn't sound like a normal way to address a lover that is more than twice your age.  Plus, you haven't had exactly expressed your feelings for each other at this point, so that was kinda awkward.
Firepaw: Don't we have a mission to do?

Ravenpaw: Are you guys sure it's okay to leave me alone in a barn with this mysterious stranger?
Firepaw: Yeah, everything's fine!
Graypaw: Don't worry about it!  Well, we'll see you when we see you.  We've got some...generic underage hero stuff to do... *leaves*
Ravenpaw: Wait! ... *staring awkwardly at Barley* ...
Barley: ...Hey, kid.  Do you know what "sodomy" is?
Ravenpaw: *gulp*

Brokenstar: Now feel the wrath of my elite warriors!... and Clawface.
Clawface: Hey!
Brokenstar: Oh, shut up Clawface.  The only fight you actually win is against a medicine cat.  Now that's sad.

---   ---
What happens when you take a Warriors fan and make him watch too much YuGiOh Abridged?

This, apparently.

It’s pretty much exactly what it sounds like, an Abridged Series style parody of Into the Wild (although I think I wrote a few of these before I started watching YuGiOh Abridged, I’m not sure).

I don’t have many for the first series books because I haven’t read them in a while, but I thought I should post my ItW jokes first since it’s, y’know, the first book.

I’ll probably post stuff for books where I have more material (it's pretty much slim pickings up until Twilight, which is the point where I first came up with this idea), even though posting stuff out of order will probably kill me (!!OCD!!). This definitely isn’t the last you’ll see of me.

Ugh, I don’t know how much of this is my natural tendency to hate all of my work when looking at it in retrospect, but I don’t feel these are my best jokes...

Oh well. Enjoy!


Inspired by YuGiOh the Abridged Series by LittleKuriboh (CardGamesFTW)

I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS!

All characters are from WARRIORS by Erin Hunter
WARRIORS is © Harper Collins
Add a Comment:
 
:icongalaxygirl45:
galaxygirl45 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Some of these cats are perverted...... AWSOME!!!!
Reply
:iconcanadla:
CANADlA Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Greypaw: I CANT WAIT TILL BOOK 6 SO I CAN KILL HIM LOL
Reply
:iconskyslashercat:
SkySlasherCat Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
'Now feel the wrath of my elite warriors!...and Clawface.' :rofl: :rofl:
Reply
:icononix-ceptable:
Onix-ceptable Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Student Digital Artist
When Firepaw enters the clan, he is about six human years old. He then falls in love with Spottedleaf, even though she is much older than him. This is about the equivalent of a first grader having a crush on a forty-two year old woman. 0__o
Reply
:iconzellaofthestars:
Zellaofthestars Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Six MOONS OLD *months.*
And spottedleaf was only like a year and a half,i mean there has been worse, like jaypaw,who was like seven months old,and a century old tribe cat XD
Reply
:icononix-ceptable:
Onix-ceptable Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Spottedleaf was actually about 3 and a half years old when Firepaw entered the clan. But I never really thught about how much older Half Moon was than Jaypaw. XD
Reply
:iconzellaofthestars:
Zellaofthestars Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow how would you know? Not trying to sound mean,im actually interested.
But yeah she's like centuries old, its a little weird XD
But spottedleaf..I don't think she was that old.i mean,in bluestars prophecy, she was just apprenticed as a medicine cat, then a couple moons pasted..and then she saw the fire will save our clan.
Reply
:icononix-ceptable:
Onix-ceptable Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Yeah, the Erins do a lot of timeline rape in the Super Editions. I found Spottedleaf's approximate age of death on the warriors Wiki. :)
Reply
:iconzellaofthestars:
Zellaofthestars Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
HM, ok XD
Reply
:icononix-ceptable:
Onix-ceptable Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Student Digital Artist
When Firepaw enters the Clan, he is about six human years old. Around that time, he falls in love with Spottedleaf, even though she is much older than him. So old, it's about the equivalent of a first grader having a crush on a forty-two year old woman.
Reply
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