Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

:iconhyperadam: More from hyperadam

Featured in Collections

Writing by mewlover123

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
November 24, 2009
File Size
4.9 KB
Mature Content


241 (who?)
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: sexual themes)
--Fire and Ice--

Bluestar: So Ravenpaw is still alive and lives in the barn on WindClan territory?
Fireheart: Yeah.  He and Barley seem to be having a gay ol' time.*


Fireheart: So, what have you and Ravenpaw been getting up to?
Barley: We've been... studying...
Fireheart: Really?  What have you been learning about?
Barley: We've been studying... the ancient Greeks, mostly.
Ravenpaw: Um... yeah.
Fireheart: That sounds interesting, can you show me what you've learned?
Barley: Um, no.  We prefer to... study... in private.
Ravenpaw: Yeah...

Morningflower: What is it Barkface?  Has StarClan spoken to you?
Barkface: The clouds are stained with blood!  It is a sign from our ancestors.  There is trouble ahead.  This day shall bring an unnecessary death.
Everyone: *shock!*
Barkface: I also predict that your son will get your daughter pregnant in the distant future. *gesturing towards Ashfoot and Fireheart respectively*
Ashfoot: What?  My Eaglekit?
Barkface: No.  Your kit will never be mentioned again after a few more chapters.  You will have another litter later, but almost all of them will magically vanish, too.  Except for the one that gets his daughter pregnant.
Fireheart: Wait, me have a daughter?  That's ridiculous!
Barkface: No it is not.  You will have two daughters.  You are literally surrounded by she-cats, even though, ironically, you cannot understand them whatsoever.
Fireheart: Wait, two daughters?  No sons?
Barkface: Yes.  One will mate with Ashfoot's son, and the other with your arch-enemy's son.
Graystripe: What?
Barkface: *looking at Graystripe* And you.  I predict that your daughter will mate with Ashfoot's son, too.  But then she dies, and he falls in love with Fireheart's daughter.  The one he knocks up.
Graystripe: These are the most retarded predictions ever.
Fireheart: Yeah, they'll DEFINITELY never come true.

*Whiteclaw falling over the gorge*
Whiteclaw: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! *splash*
Everyone: *staring at Graystripe*
Graystripe: Ummm... Whoops?

Dustpaw: Hey!  How come Fireheart and Graystripe get apprentices so soon?
Whitestorm: Because.
Dustpaw: And why does it take me and Sandpaw so long to get our warrior names if we were apprenticed before them?
Whitestorm: Look, if you want to make sense of all of the timeline rape in the first series, give up now.  You'll never manage it.

Silverstream: You idiot!  What are you doing in my territory?
Graystripe: Uh, drowning?
Fireheart: ...Thank you, Captain Obvious...
Silverstream: Can't you drown yourself on your own territory?
Fireheart: ...We don't have much water on our territory...
Graystripe: Ah, but who would rescue me there?
Fireheart: ...Someone else...
Cinderpaw: Shh! Can't you see you're ruining their moment?
Fireheart: What?
Cinderpaw: Gah!  Am I the only cat that isn't absolutely blind to all the romantic tension in these books?
Fireheart: What?
Cinderpaw: *sigh* While we're on the subject, Sandpaw.
Fireheart: What?
Cinderpaw: You'll see...But not if I have anything to say about it...bitch.
Fireheart: ...What?

Fireheart: What are you doing!?
Graystripe: *gesturing towards Silverstream* Her.

Fireheart: What if you two get caught?
Silverstream: That won't happen.  I'm a clan leader's daughter.
Fireheart: But this is completely against the warrior code!
Silverstream: Yeah, but I'm a clan leader's daughter.
Fireheart: Don't you know how wrong this is?
Silverstream: Didn't you hear me the first time?  I'm a clan leader's daughter!

*After Cinderpaw gets hit by a car*
Fireheart: Oh, jeez! Are you okay?

*Fireheart and Graystripe lay down together in WindClan camp.  I'm serious, this actually happens.*
Runningwind: Um...  What are you two doing...?
Fireheart: WE'RE NOT GAY!

---  ---
Huzzah, The Fourth Apprentice comes out today!:D

*Fireworks, etc*

It’s going to take me a while to get through it, since I have lots of school work and am preoccupied on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday afternoons, but I’m sure I’ll get through it in less than a week.

Anyway, to celebrate, I’ve decided to post some more of my Warriors Abridged stuff.

Now for Fire and Ice, aka the-book-with-the-metaphor-that-almost-no-one-gets-as-a-title, where we meet some new characters like Cinderpaw (pelt) and Silverstream, who spends the better part of two books making out with Graystripe.

Bluestar decides that they need to bring WindClan back to the forest, so she sends just Fireheart and Graystripe to retrieve them, instead of a larger or more experienced patrol. On the way back, they end up fighting RiverClan on a gorge inside their border.

Just like many scare’em straight safety videos from our childhood will tell us, this was not a good idea, and a RiverClan warrior falls to his death leaving Graystripe with all the blame.

RiverClan now hates Graystripe, which makes it all the more ironic when he falls for one of their warriors and vice versa.

Fireheart is understandably pissed because now he has to train both of their apprentices by himself, and deal with a subplot about him wanting to spend time with his sister, all while Graystripe only has to deal with making out with a hot she-cat.

Aside from all of the fighting between Fireheart and Graystripe, Cinderpaw is severely injured in possibly the must unconventional trap ever (Tigerstar would be a much more successful villain if his plans didn’t rely so much on, y’know, other cats’ cooperation).

Eventually all of the tension among the Clans leads to a huge battle in WindClan camp, and... I suck at summaries. There’s not much else, so I’ll stop now.

This one is a bit shorter than my Into the Wild one, and as I mentioned before they get much longer late in The New Prophecy series (my Rising Storm section is just pathetic...).

I probably will stop posting things in order after this, this only happened because I thought I had enough material to justify posting it. Expect to see something from tPoT next, and eventually some t4A stuff.
Anyway, enjoy!

Inspired by YuGiOh the Abridged Series by LittleKuriboh (CardGamesFTW)


All characters are from WARRIORS by Erin Hunter
WARRIORS is © Harper Collins
Add a Comment:
Cleverpelt Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Fireheart: What are you doing!?
Graystripe: *gesturing towards Silverstream* Her.

I just lost my shit XD
I should dub these
Flaming-Cat Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Fireheart: We're not gay!
galaxygirl45 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Gay'ol time. I laughed so hard.
Mosspatch Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
fireheart: "Oh, jeez! Are you okay?"

made me rofllam
heckcats123 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
check this out! :xX-Ask-Ben-Xx
CutieTheWarrior Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2013  Student
pikachubaconisgood Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2013  Professional Writer
"What are you doing!?"
it took me a while to get this, but when i did, i died of laughter
ezdav321 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012   General Artist
Poemonfanzo Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012  Student Filmographer
What are you doing?

Add a Comment: