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--Fire and Ice--

Bluestar: So Ravenpaw is still alive and lives in the barn on WindClan territory?
Fireheart: Yeah.  He and Barley seem to be having a gay ol' time.*

*lolzlonershippingz

Fireheart: So, what have you and Ravenpaw been getting up to?
Barley: We've been... studying...
Fireheart: Really?  What have you been learning about?
Barley: We've been studying... the ancient Greeks, mostly.
Ravenpaw: Um... yeah.
Fireheart: That sounds interesting, can you show me what you've learned?
Barley: Um, no.  We prefer to... study... in private.
Ravenpaw: Yeah...

Morningflower: What is it Barkface?  Has StarClan spoken to you?
Barkface: The clouds are stained with blood!  It is a sign from our ancestors.  There is trouble ahead.  This day shall bring an unnecessary death.
Everyone: *shock!*
Barkface: I also predict that your son will get your daughter pregnant in the distant future. *gesturing towards Ashfoot and Fireheart respectively*
Ashfoot: What?  My Eaglekit?
Barkface: No.  Your kit will never be mentioned again after a few more chapters.  You will have another litter later, but almost all of them will magically vanish, too.  Except for the one that gets his daughter pregnant.
Fireheart: Wait, me have a daughter?  That's ridiculous!
Barkface: No it is not.  You will have two daughters.  You are literally surrounded by she-cats, even though, ironically, you cannot understand them whatsoever.
Fireheart: Wait, two daughters?  No sons?
Barkface: Yes.  One will mate with Ashfoot's son, and the other with your arch-enemy's son.
Graystripe: What?
Barkface: *looking at Graystripe* And you.  I predict that your daughter will mate with Ashfoot's son, too.  But then she dies, and he falls in love with Fireheart's daughter.  The one he knocks up.
Graystripe: These are the most retarded predictions ever.
Fireheart: Yeah, they'll DEFINITELY never come true.

*Whiteclaw falling over the gorge*
Whiteclaw: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! *splash*
Everyone: *staring at Graystripe*
Graystripe: Ummm... Whoops?

Dustpaw: Hey!  How come Fireheart and Graystripe get apprentices so soon?
Whitestorm: Because.
Dustpaw: And why does it take me and Sandpaw so long to get our warrior names if we were apprenticed before them?
Whitestorm: Look, if you want to make sense of all of the timeline rape in the first series, give up now.  You'll never manage it.

Silverstream: You idiot!  What are you doing in my territory?
Graystripe: Uh, drowning?
Fireheart: ...Thank you, Captain Obvious...
Silverstream: Can't you drown yourself on your own territory?
Fireheart: ...We don't have much water on our territory...
Graystripe: Ah, but who would rescue me there?
Fireheart: ...Someone else...
Cinderpaw: Shh! Can't you see you're ruining their moment?
Fireheart: What?
Cinderpaw: Gah!  Am I the only cat that isn't absolutely blind to all the romantic tension in these books?
Fireheart: What?
Cinderpaw: *sigh* While we're on the subject, Sandpaw.
Fireheart: What?
Cinderpaw: You'll see...But not if I have anything to say about it...bitch.
Fireheart: ...What?

Fireheart: What are you doing!?
Graystripe: *gesturing towards Silverstream* Her.

Fireheart: What if you two get caught?
Silverstream: That won't happen.  I'm a clan leader's daughter.
Fireheart: But this is completely against the warrior code!
Silverstream: Yeah, but I'm a clan leader's daughter.
Fireheart: Don't you know how wrong this is?
Silverstream: Didn't you hear me the first time?  I'm a clan leader's daughter!

*After Cinderpaw gets hit by a car*
Fireheart: Oh, jeez! Are you okay?

*Fireheart and Graystripe lay down together in WindClan camp.  I'm serious, this actually happens.*
Runningwind: Um...  What are you two doing...?
Fireheart: WE'RE NOT GAY!

---  ---
Huzzah, The Fourth Apprentice comes out today!:D

*Fireworks, etc*

It’s going to take me a while to get through it, since I have lots of school work and am preoccupied on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday afternoons, but I’m sure I’ll get through it in less than a week.

Anyway, to celebrate, I’ve decided to post some more of my Warriors Abridged stuff.

Now for Fire and Ice, aka the-book-with-the-metaphor-that-almost-no-one-gets-as-a-title, where we meet some new characters like Cinderpaw (pelt) and Silverstream, who spends the better part of two books making out with Graystripe.

Bluestar decides that they need to bring WindClan back to the forest, so she sends just Fireheart and Graystripe to retrieve them, instead of a larger or more experienced patrol. On the way back, they end up fighting RiverClan on a gorge inside their border.

Just like many scare’em straight safety videos from our childhood will tell us, this was not a good idea, and a RiverClan warrior falls to his death leaving Graystripe with all the blame.

RiverClan now hates Graystripe, which makes it all the more ironic when he falls for one of their warriors and vice versa.

Fireheart is understandably pissed because now he has to train both of their apprentices by himself, and deal with a subplot about him wanting to spend time with his sister, all while Graystripe only has to deal with making out with a hot she-cat.

Aside from all of the fighting between Fireheart and Graystripe, Cinderpaw is severely injured in possibly the must unconventional trap ever (Tigerstar would be a much more successful villain if his plans didn’t rely so much on, y’know, other cats’ cooperation).

Eventually all of the tension among the Clans leads to a huge battle in WindClan camp, and... I suck at summaries. There’s not much else, so I’ll stop now.

This one is a bit shorter than my Into the Wild one, and as I mentioned before they get much longer late in The New Prophecy series (my Rising Storm section is just pathetic...).

I probably will stop posting things in order after this, this only happened because I thought I had enough material to justify posting it. Expect to see something from tPoT next, and eventually some t4A stuff.
Anyway, enjoy!


Inspired by YuGiOh the Abridged Series by LittleKuriboh (CardGamesFTW)

I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS!

All characters are from WARRIORS by Erin Hunter
WARRIORS is © Harper Collins
Add a Comment:
 
:iconcleverpelt:
Cleverpelt Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Fireheart: What are you doing!?
Graystripe: *gesturing towards Silverstream* Her.

I just lost my shit XD
Reply
:iconaskmerisstheskeletal:
I should dub these
Reply
:iconflaming-cat:
Flaming-Cat Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol!
Fireheart: We're not gay!
Reply
:icongalaxygirl45:
galaxygirl45 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Gay'ol time. I laughed so hard.
Reply
:iconmosspatch:
Mosspatch Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Student General Artist
fireheart: "Oh, jeez! Are you okay?"

made me rofllam
Reply
:iconheckcats123:
heckcats123 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
check this out! :xX-Ask-Ben-Xx
Reply
:iconcutiethewarrior:
CutieTheWarrior Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2013  Student
LoLz
Reply
:iconpikachubaconisgood:
pikachubaconisgood Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
"What are you doing!?"
"Her"
it took me a while to get this, but when i did, i died of laughter
Reply
:iconezdav321:
ezdav321 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012   General Artist
:iconimmoistplz:
Reply
:iconpoemonfanzo:
Poemonfanzo Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012  Student General Artist
What are you doing?

HER.
Reply
:iconyoshifan618:
Yoshifan618 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
You REALLY should do Crookedstar's Promise.
Reply
:iconthewhiterosestudios:
TheWhiteRoseStudios Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2011
hahaha this is hilarious! Did you make one for Forest of Secrets too?
Reply
:iconhyperadam:
hyperadam Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2012
Erm, no, not really... Laziness.
Reply
:iconthewhiterosestudios:
TheWhiteRoseStudios Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2012
awwww :(
Reply
:iconcolddeadheartofmine:
ColdDeadHeartOfMine Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I just shat m'self laughin' XD

--

What does F.E.A.R really mean?
Fuck. Everything. And. Run

Go die in New Jersey!~Karl

Meep!~ Mizuno and Climber

Spoiler=Epical. Climber=Awesome. Karl=BLOODY ARMAGEDDON WITH EPICNESS!!!

NNNO!~Chuggaconroy

I’m Irish. I say bloody in most of my sentences. BLOODY LIVE WITH IT!
…told ya.
Reply
:iconthejumpingkoi:
thejumpingkoi Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011
Morningflower: What is it Barkface? Has StarClan spoken to you?
Barkface: The clouds are stained with blood! It is a sign from our ancestors. There is trouble ahead. This day shall bring an unnecessary death.
Everyone: *shock!*
Barkface: I also predict that your son will get your daughter pregnant in the distant future. *gesturing towards Ashfoot and Fireheart respectively*
Ashfoot: What? My Eaglekit?
Barkface: No. Your kit will never be mentioned again after a few more chapters. You will have another litter later, but almost all of them will magically vanish, too. Except for the one that gets his daughter pregnant.
Fireheart: Wait, me have a daughter? That's ridiculous!
Barkface: No it is not. You will have two daughters. You are literally surrounded by she-cats, even though, ironically, you cannot understand them whatsoever.
Fireheart: Wait, two daughters? No sons?
Barkface: Yes. One will mate with Ashfoot's son, and the other with your arch-enemy's son.
Graystripe: What?
Barkface: *looking at Graystripe* And you. I predict that your daughter will mate with Ashfoot's son, too. But then she dies, and he falls in love with Fireheart's daughter. The one he knocks up.
Graystripe: These are the most retarded predictions ever.
Fireheart: Yeah, they'll DEFINITELY never come true.

Fireheart: What are you doing!?
Graystripe: *gesturing towards Silverstream* Her.

Fireheart: What if you two get caught?
Silverstream: That won't happen. I'm a clan leader's daughter.
Fireheart: But this is completely against the warrior code!
Silverstream: Yeah, but I'm a clan leader's daughter.
Fireheart: Don't you know how wrong this is?
Silverstream: Didn't you hear me the first time? I'm a clan leader's daughter!

*Fireheart and Graystripe lay down together in WindClan camp. I'm serious, this actually happens.*
Runningwind: Um... What are you two doing...?
Fireheart: WE'RE NOT GAY!



BAHAHAHAHAHAHA I THINK I JUST DIED LAUGHING... XD
Reply
:icontheflamesflower:
TheFlamesFlower Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2011
If you put FaI and LS together you get FaILS
Reply
:iconwinterberries:
winterberries Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2011
Hehehe...
Reply
:iconmidnightthefox:
midnightthefox Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
listen to backface and if you don't well your screwed, As are Leafpool and Feathertail dang Crowfeather you a playa ;)
Reply
:iconhyperadam:
hyperadam Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2011
BARKFACE CAN PREDICT THE FUTURE. IT'S LIKE HE'S READING LATER BOOKS.

But now he's dead. Apparently he couldn't predict that. :P
Reply
:iconfunlakota:
funlakota Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2011
Lol, these are great!! I love the prediction scene the best. They should have listened to Barkface! :D


(And I do get metaphor from the title. ;) A reference to Robert Frost's poem "Fire and Ice." I also noticed the same reference in an episode of Digimon, where an evil digimon says he will conquer the world not with fire or ice but with fog. ^^ I guess that poem of his gets used a lot, along with "The Road Not Taken.")
Reply
:iconhyperadam:
hyperadam Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2011
Thanks! :D

(Well, Robert Frost just seems to be one of those names that is at least recognised as a poet by the general public, so I guess that makes sense that his poems would be referenced a lot...)
Reply
:iconfunlakota:
funlakota Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2011
That's cool to think about in regards to Digimon. If that reference was present in the Japanese version, it would mean the Japanese know about Robert Frost too. Which is neat to think about. :) If not, then it means the dubbed version wasn't as immature (at least not all the time) as the stupid purist anime fans claim. :roll:


Whatever. I'm getting off topic... ^^; Sorry!
Reply
:iconhyperadam:
hyperadam Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2011
Well, sometimes dubbers feel the need to/are forced to get a bit creative with their translation, so I wouldn't be surprised if it was mostly their doing.
Reply
:iconfunlakota:
funlakota Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2011
Cool, because that would mean that the official translators and dubbers were not stupid all the time. While they put in some a lot of stupid jokes and stuff, they also put in some cool references as well. ^^

I don't mind if they do that if they don't mess with the overall story too much... or if they do change the story, their version still makes sense or is interesting. Granted I'm less tolerant of the latter. ;)


Anyways.... back on topic. Are you going to do these things for all of the Warriors books? Or just a few from each series?
Reply
:iconhyperadam:
hyperadam Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2011
Well, yeah, it's always necessary to change the wording of something a bit, especially with puns and other wordplay. Sometimes they can even come up with something even better than the original, which is always good. :D

I guess I might end up doing all of them eventually, but yeah, so far I'm just picking and choosing randomly.
Reply
:icon12daysofchristmas:
12DaysofChristmas Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2011  Student Writer
Haha, the prediction scene is epic win!!
Reply
:iconzachthefurryfox:
ZachTheFurryFox Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2010
lol, me and my freind were reading this book out loud to each other in the back of a moving capped pickup truck, and when we got to the part where graystripe and fire<noun> slept together, we lol'd so hard the driver had to tell us to shut the f- up.
Reply
:iconlithestep:
Lithestep Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2010
i laughed sooo much! i loved the romantically retarded firepaw:D
Reply
:iconfocussight:
Focussight Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010
AWHH. That little bit with Cinderpaw and the romantic tension is so adorable xD barbequeshipping ftw
Reply
:iconhyperadam:
hyperadam Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010
Hurray for Barbecueshipping! :D

Poor Cinderpelt...
Reply
:iconfocussight:
Focussight Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010
Indeed!

And I know... :C -sigh- if only Firestar wasn't so oblivious when it came to she-cats. They're like magnets to him. No, not attractive. Or repelling. He doesn't know how they work. XD
Reply
:iconhyperadam:
hyperadam Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2010
Heh-heh, that's a good analogy. :XD:

Although I sort of know how magnets work...
Reply
:iconfocussight:
Focussight Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2010
XD I have gay Warriors RP charries for the luls (but now I love them and can't stop using them 8D) and one of them got stuck in a camp alone with a she-cat having kits. I felt so sorry for him XD he was like UM UM UM D8 WTF DO I DO DDDD8
Reply
:iconflamedragontamer:
flamedragontamer Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2010
*Fireheart and Graystripe lay down together in WindClan camp. I'm serious, this actually happens.*
Runningwind: Um... What are you two doing...?
Fireheart: WE'RE NOT GAY!

Funniest part ever in this one!!!!!XD
Reply
:iconevildraws:
Evildraws Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*After Cinderpaw gets hit by a car*
Fireheart: Oh, jeez! Are you okay?

XD HOW DO YOU COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?!?! iT'S HILARIOUS!!!
Reply
:iconhyperadam:
hyperadam Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2010
I come up with it with SCIENCE skillz!
Reply
:iconevildraws:
Evildraws Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Awesome!
Reply
:iconzukitz:
Zukitz Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2010  Student Digital Artist
This is....pretty immature. But not unexpected
Reply
:iconkarenocean:
KarenOcean Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Fireheart: What if you two get caught?
Silverstream: That won't happen. I'm a clan leader's daughter.
Fireheart: But this is completely against the warrior code!
Silverstream: Yeah, but I'm a clan leader's daughter.
Fireheart: Don't you know how wrong this is?
Silverstream: Didn't you hear me the first time? I'm a clan leader's daughter!

XD well apparently that doesn't work *cough*Leafpool*cough*
Reply
:iconhyperadam:
hyperadam Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2010
Hmmm, well, if we compare this to Leafpool's situation, it seems being a Clan leader's means you only get a friend walking in on you making out. With Silverstream, it was Firestar (okay, he was Graystripe's friend...), and with Leafpool it was Cinderpelt.

Leafpool just panicked and ran, which eventually led to her sex life going public. :D
Reply
:iconkarenocean:
KarenOcean Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
XD true true. And where would we be without Leafpool's sex life being known to all? :3
Reply
:iconhyperadam:
hyperadam Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2010
We would be nowhere. It is the pinnacle of modern knowledge.

I imagine Leafpool being incredibly embarrassed of all the stuff she did with Crowfeather, but Squirrelflight being all cheeky and trying to drag it all out of her to see her get flustered. :D

Squirrelflight: [link]
Leafpool: :iconheaddeskplz:
Reply
:iconkarenocean:
KarenOcean Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
XD exactly! I wish they would actually write a chapter or two like that.
Squirrelflight: You did WHAT?
Leafpool: SHUT UP I'M NOT GOING TO REPEAT MYSELF!
Reply
:iconhyperadam:
hyperadam Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2010
Yes. :XD:

I'm planning on writing something like that... eventually-ish. Squirrelflight would probably also bring up some of her experiences with Brambleclaw, bragging that he's bigger than Crowfeather. :D
Reply
:iconkarenocean:
KarenOcean Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
XD oh wow THAT is a mental image I did not need.... -facepalm- ERASE ERASE ;D
Reply
:iconhyperadam:
hyperadam Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2010
Oh, come on. It's not that bad of a mental image. :D

I'm betting Leafpool would just kind of snap under the embarassment at that point and come back with something about how size doesn't matter.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconsquirrelfightluvr:
Squirrelfightluvr Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2010
*Firestar and Graytripe lay down together in WindClan camp.*

Runningwind: Um...What are you two doing...?
Firestar:WE'RE NOT GAY!!

Hilarious!!!!:la:
Reply
:iconshadowfrost1:
ShadowFrost1 Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2010
Hillarious. xD
Reply
:iconthecharmoflove:
thecharmoflove Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2010
*After Cinderpaw gets hit by a car*
Fireheart: Oh, jeez! Are you okay?

LUVS IT MAKE MORE
Reply
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November 24, 2009
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