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As A Clan Cat I Will Not...As a Clan cat, I will not…

1. Tell Tigerstar to get a life.
2. Make any remarks about Longtail compensating for something.
3. Ask Jayfeather "How many fingers am I holding up?"
4. Tell Crowfeather "I totally hit that" when talking about Leafpool or Feathertail.
5. Ask Ravenpaw and Barley who's on top.
6. Refer to Crowfeather as "Crowy", Jayfeather as "Jay-Jay", Tigerstar as "Tiggystar", etc.
7. Make any remarks about the length of Jayfeather's stick.
8. Make any remarks about Lionblaze exploring Heathertail's tunnels.
9. Make any remarks about how Hollyleaf never did anything that can be used as a sexual innuendo.
10. Taunt Cro
Lessons: WarriorsThe Lessons Warriors Has Taught Us :

1. Violence doesn't solve all problems, but it does solve some.  And they should be solved very violently.
2. Cats can have accents.
3. Old people are funny.
4. If your girlfriend dies, the default response is to sleep with her sister.
5. No matter how right you are, you're still wrong in some way.
6. Your logic doesn't have to make sense if you're angry enough.
7. Always use a condom.
8. Killing your half-brother solves all of your problems for 6-12 months.
9. Having fangirls gives you the right to do virtually anything without being considered evil *cough*Ashfur*cough*Scourge*cough*.
The Crow and The Jay Crowfeather drifted uneasily through his dreams that night.  What Hollyleaf had revealed at the recent Gathering had almost destroyed everything that he had worked so hard to build.  He had just barely managed to save his reputation.
But at what cost? He thought, recalling the harsh words he had said to Leafpool.
Trying to shake off his feelings of regret he continued to stumble through moor until he heard a noise nearby calling for him.
"Hello?" a voice mewed in the distance.
Crowfeather froze.  Who – or what – could be calling for him?  Suddenly a small grey body popped up over the hills
"There you are," it meowed.  Cr
I'm Sorry. Leafpool wandered through the undergrowth near the stream bordering ThunderClan and WindClan.  She was searching for berries and trying to wrap her head around the events of the past few sunrises.
Suddenly, she heard a cat hiss her name from a nearby bush.  Startled, she followed the voice until she saw whose it was.
"Crowfeather!" She gasped as she saw the grey black tom crouched under the bush.
Both cats tensed as they saw each other, and an awkward silence filled the air for a few heartbeats.
"I wanted to talk to you," Crowfeather murmured, looking down, "About what happened at the Gathering.  Is it really true, what Hollyleaf sai
Taboo and Liberation 2 of 5Title: Taboo and Liberation, Part 2/5
Author: Kyrianne
Fandom: Red vs Blue
Pairing: Grif/Simmons
Rating: R
Word Count: 2238
Summary: Through a single drastic act, Simmons sets a new path for himself that he never knew existed, and he's not sure if he wants to take it.
Disclaimer: I am neither a Rooster nor a Teeth.
A/N: I'm sure you all hate me for the last part. I hope this will make it up to you.

---

He was suddenly aware of himself drifting through a thick fog of blackness. He tried to move, but found himself immobile. It didn't worry him. He wondered if this was the afterlife.

The nothingness was calming. Soothing.

"Simmons!"
Another 10 Ways to Annoy Warriors10. Buy Dustpelt and Ferncloud birth control pills.
9. Ask Lionblaze if he thinks Jayfeather's attractive.
8. Trip Berrynose. When he becomes mad at you, roll your eyes and say "It wouldn't happen if you had a semi-functional tail".
7. Tell Lionblaze that Cinderheart didn't actually care about the prophecy, she was just looking for an excuse to break up.
6. Ask Graystripe about his "thing" for silver she-cats.
5. At a Gathering, loudly announce that Crowfeather is the real father of Lillykit and Seedkit.
4. Go up to Breezepelt and sing loudly "Tomorrow";
"The sun'll come out, tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow..."
3. Sug
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More from ~hyperadam

Lessons: Ace AttorneyThe Lessons Ace Attorney Has Taught Us :

1. The correct response to any question is "OBJECTION!"
2. If you are having trouble winning an argument, you obviously aren't yelling loudly enough.
3. There are no limits to the amount of caffeine a human being can consume.
4. Prosecutors are given an unnecessary amount of authority and respect and can pretty much do whatever they want.
5. The opposite extreme applies to defence attorneys.
6. It is possible to kill someone with a postage stamp.
7. Doctors have so little faith in modern medicine that they actually called a disease "Incuritis" because they though it would never be cured.
8. Jap
Lessons: WarriorsThe Lessons Warriors Has Taught Us :

1. Violence doesn't solve all problems, but it does solve some.  And they should be solved very violently.
2. Cats can have accents.
3. Old people are funny.
4. If your girlfriend dies, the default response is to sleep with her sister.
5. No matter how right you are, you're still wrong in some way.
6. Your logic doesn't have to make sense if you're angry enough.
7. Always use a condom.
8. Killing your half-brother solves all of your problems for 6-12 months.
9. Having fangirls gives you the right to do virtually anything without being considered evil *cough*Ashfur*cough*Scourge*cough*.
I'm Sorry. Leafpool wandered through the undergrowth near the stream bordering ThunderClan and WindClan.  She was searching for berries and trying to wrap her head around the events of the past few sunrises.
Suddenly, she heard a cat hiss her name from a nearby bush.  Startled, she followed the voice until she saw whose it was.
"Crowfeather!" She gasped as she saw the grey black tom crouched under the bush.
Both cats tensed as they saw each other, and an awkward silence filled the air for a few heartbeats.
"I wanted to talk to you," Crowfeather murmured, looking down, "About what happened at the Gathering.  Is it really true, what Hollyleaf sai

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Warriors Abridged - FaI

:iconhyperadam:

--Fire and Ice--

Bluestar: So Ravenpaw is still alive and lives in the barn on WindClan territory?
Fireheart: Yeah.  He and Barley seem to be having a gay ol' time.*

*lolzlonershippingz

Fireheart: So, what have you and Ravenpaw been getting up to?
Barley: We've been... studying...
Fireheart: Really?  What have you been learning about?
Barley: We've been studying... the ancient Greeks, mostly.
Ravenpaw: Um... yeah.
Fireheart: That sounds interesting, can you show me what you've learned?
Barley: Um, no.  We prefer to... study... in private.
Ravenpaw: Yeah...

Morningflower: What is it Barkface?  Has StarClan spoken to you?
Barkface: The clouds are stained with blood!  It is a sign from our ancestors.  There is trouble ahead.  This day shall bring an unnecessary death.
Everyone: *shock!*
Barkface: I also predict that your son will get your daughter pregnant in the distant future. *gesturing towards Ashfoot and Fireheart respectively*
Ashfoot: What?  My Eaglekit?
Barkface: No.  Your kit will never be mentioned again after a few more chapters.  You will have another litter later, but almost all of them will magically vanish, too.  Except for the one that gets his daughter pregnant.
Fireheart: Wait, me have a daughter?  That's ridiculous!
Barkface: No it is not.  You will have two daughters.  You are literally surrounded by she-cats, even though, ironically, you cannot understand them whatsoever.
Fireheart: Wait, two daughters?  No sons?
Barkface: Yes.  One will mate with Ashfoot's son, and the other with your arch-enemy's son.
Graystripe: What?
Barkface: *looking at Graystripe* And you.  I predict that your daughter will mate with Ashfoot's son, too.  But then she dies, and he falls in love with Fireheart's daughter.  The one he knocks up.
Graystripe: These are the most retarded predictions ever.
Fireheart: Yeah, they'll DEFINITELY never come true.

*Whiteclaw falling over the gorge*
Whiteclaw: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! *splash*
Everyone: *staring at Graystripe*
Graystripe: Ummm... Whoops?

Dustpaw: Hey!  How come Fireheart and Graystripe get apprentices so soon?
Whitestorm: Because.
Dustpaw: And why does it take me and Sandpaw so long to get our warrior names if we were apprenticed before them?
Whitestorm: Look, if you want to make sense of all of the timeline rape in the first series, give up now.  You'll never manage it.

Silverstream: You idiot!  What are you doing in my territory?
Graystripe: Uh, drowning?
Fireheart: ...Thank you, Captain Obvious...
Silverstream: Can't you drown yourself on your own territory?
Fireheart: ...We don't have much water on our territory...
Graystripe: Ah, but who would rescue me there?
Fireheart: ...Someone else...
Cinderpaw: Shh! Can't you see you're ruining their moment?
Fireheart: What?
Cinderpaw: Gah!  Am I the only cat that isn't absolutely blind to all the romantic tension in these books?
Fireheart: What?
Cinderpaw: *sigh* While we're on the subject, Sandpaw.
Fireheart: What?
Cinderpaw: You'll see...But not if I have anything to say about it...bitch.
Fireheart: ...What?

Fireheart: What are you doing!?
Graystripe: *gesturing towards Silverstream* Her.

Fireheart: What if you two get caught?
Silverstream: That won't happen.  I'm a clan leader's daughter.
Fireheart: But this is completely against the warrior code!
Silverstream: Yeah, but I'm a clan leader's daughter.
Fireheart: Don't you know how wrong this is?
Silverstream: Didn't you hear me the first time?  I'm a clan leader's daughter!

*After Cinderpaw gets hit by a car*
Fireheart: Oh, jeez! Are you okay?

*Fireheart and Graystripe lay down together in WindClan camp.  I'm serious, this actually happens.*
Runningwind: Um...  What are you two doing...?
Fireheart: WE'RE NOT GAY!

---  ---
:iconhyperadam:
Huzzah, The Fourth Apprentice comes out today!:D

*Fireworks, etc*

It’s going to take me a while to get through it, since I have lots of school work and am preoccupied on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday afternoons, but I’m sure I’ll get through it in less than a week.

Anyway, to celebrate, I’ve decided to post some more of my Warriors Abridged stuff.

Now for Fire and Ice, aka the-book-with-the-metaphor-that-almost-no-one-gets-as-a-title, where we meet some new characters like Cinderpaw (pelt) and Silverstream, who spends the better part of two books making out with Graystripe.

Bluestar decides that they need to bring WindClan back to the forest, so she sends just Fireheart and Graystripe to retrieve them, instead of a larger or more experienced patrol. On the way back, they end up fighting RiverClan on a gorge inside their border.

Just like many scare’em straight safety videos from our childhood will tell us, this was not a good idea, and a RiverClan warrior falls to his death leaving Graystripe with all the blame.

RiverClan now hates Graystripe, which makes it all the more ironic when he falls for one of their warriors and vice versa.

Fireheart is understandably pissed because now he has to train both of their apprentices by himself, and deal with a subplot about him wanting to spend time with his sister, all while Graystripe only has to deal with making out with a hot she-cat.

Aside from all of the fighting between Fireheart and Graystripe, Cinderpaw is severely injured in possibly the must unconventional trap ever (Tigerstar would be a much more successful villain if his plans didn’t rely so much on, y’know, other cats’ cooperation).

Eventually all of the tension among the Clans leads to a huge battle in WindClan camp, and... I suck at summaries. There’s not much else, so I’ll stop now.

This one is a bit shorter than my Into the Wild one, and as I mentioned before they get much longer late in The New Prophecy series (my Rising Storm section is just pathetic...).

I probably will stop posting things in order after this, this only happened because I thought I had enough material to justify posting it. Expect to see something from tPoT next, and eventually some t4A stuff.
Anyway, enjoy!


Inspired by YuGiOh the Abridged Series by LittleKuriboh (CardGamesFTW)

I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS!

All characters are from WARRIORS by Erin Hunter
WARRIORS is © Harper Collins
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:iconezdav321:
~ezdav321 Aug 9, 2012   General Artist
:iconimmoistplz:
Reply
:iconpoemonfanzo:
~Poemonfanzo Jul 27, 2012  Student Digital Artist
What are you doing?

HER.
Reply
:iconyoshifan618:
~Yoshifan618 Feb 27, 2012
You REALLY should do Crookedstar's Promise.
Reply
:iconthewhiterosestudios:
Mood: Love ~TheWhiteRoseStudios Dec 30, 2011
hahaha this is hilarious! Did you make one for Forest of Secrets too?
Reply
:iconhyperadam:
~hyperadam Jan 4, 2012
Erm, no, not really... Laziness.
Reply
:iconthewhiterosestudios:
~TheWhiteRoseStudios Jan 6, 2012
awwww :(
Reply
:iconcolddeadheartofmine:
!ColdDeadHeartOfMine Jul 30, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I just shat m'self laughin' XD

--

What does F.E.A.R really mean?
Fuck. Everything. And. Run

Go die in New Jersey!~Karl

Meep!~ Mizuno and Climber

Spoiler=Epical. Climber=Awesome. Karl=BLOODY ARMAGEDDON WITH EPICNESS!!!

NNNO!~Chuggaconroy

I’m Irish. I say bloody in most of my sentences. BLOODY LIVE WITH IT!
…told ya.
Reply
:iconthejumpingkoi:
!thejumpingkoi Jul 14, 2011
Morningflower: What is it Barkface? Has StarClan spoken to you?
Barkface: The clouds are stained with blood! It is a sign from our ancestors. There is trouble ahead. This day shall bring an unnecessary death.
Everyone: *shock!*
Barkface: I also predict that your son will get your daughter pregnant in the distant future. *gesturing towards Ashfoot and Fireheart respectively*
Ashfoot: What? My Eaglekit?
Barkface: No. Your kit will never be mentioned again after a few more chapters. You will have another litter later, but almost all of them will magically vanish, too. Except for the one that gets his daughter pregnant.
Fireheart: Wait, me have a daughter? That's ridiculous!
Barkface: No it is not. You will have two daughters. You are literally surrounded by she-cats, even though, ironically, you cannot understand them whatsoever.
Fireheart: Wait, two daughters? No sons?
Barkface: Yes. One will mate with Ashfoot's son, and the other with your arch-enemy's son.
Graystripe: What?
Barkface: *looking at Graystripe* And you. I predict that your daughter will mate with Ashfoot's son, too. But then she dies, and he falls in love with Fireheart's daughter. The one he knocks up.
Graystripe: These are the most retarded predictions ever.
Fireheart: Yeah, they'll DEFINITELY never come true.

Fireheart: What are you doing!?
Graystripe: *gesturing towards Silverstream* Her.

Fireheart: What if you two get caught?
Silverstream: That won't happen. I'm a clan leader's daughter.
Fireheart: But this is completely against the warrior code!
Silverstream: Yeah, but I'm a clan leader's daughter.
Fireheart: Don't you know how wrong this is?
Silverstream: Didn't you hear me the first time? I'm a clan leader's daughter!

*Fireheart and Graystripe lay down together in WindClan camp. I'm serious, this actually happens.*
Runningwind: Um... What are you two doing...?
Fireheart: WE'RE NOT GAY!



BAHAHAHAHAHAHA I THINK I JUST DIED LAUGHING... XD
Reply
:icontheflamesflower:
~TheFlamesFlower Mar 6, 2011
If you put FaI and LS together you get FaILS
Reply
:iconwinterberries:
=winterberries Nov 10, 2011
Hehehe...
Reply
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