--Fire and Ice--
Bluestar: So Ravenpaw is still alive and lives in the barn on WindClan territory?
Fireheart: Yeah. He and Barley seem to be having a gay ol' time.*
Fireheart: So, what have you and Ravenpaw been getting up to?
Barley: We've been... studying...
Fireheart: Really? What have you been learning about?
Barley: We've been studying... the ancient Greeks, mostly.
Ravenpaw: Um... yeah.
Fireheart: That sounds interesting, can you show me what you've learned?
Barley: Um, no. We prefer to... study... in private.
Morningflower: What is it Barkface? Has StarClan spoken to you?
Barkface: The clouds are stained with blood! It is a sign from our ancestors. There is trouble ahead. This day shall bring an unnecessary death.
Barkface: I also predict that your son will get your daughter pregnant in the distant future. *gesturing towards Ashfoot and Fireheart respectively*
Ashfoot: What? My Eaglekit?
Barkface: No. Your kit will never be mentioned again after a few more chapters. You will have another litter later, but almost all of them will magically vanish, too. Except for the one that gets his daughter pregnant.
Fireheart: Wait, me have a daughter? That's ridiculous!
Barkface: No it is not. You will have two daughters. You are literally surrounded by she-cats, even though, ironically, you cannot understand them whatsoever.
Fireheart: Wait, two daughters? No sons?
Barkface: Yes. One will mate with Ashfoot's son, and the other with your arch-enemy's son.
Barkface: *looking at Graystripe* And you. I predict that your daughter will mate with Ashfoot's son, too. But then she dies, and he falls in love with Fireheart's daughter. The one he knocks up.
Graystripe: These are the most retarded predictions ever.
Fireheart: Yeah, they'll DEFINITELY never come true.
*Whiteclaw falling over the gorge*
Whiteclaw: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! *splash*
Everyone: *staring at Graystripe*
Graystripe: Ummm... Whoops?
Dustpaw: Hey! How come Fireheart and Graystripe get apprentices so soon?
Dustpaw: And why does it take me and Sandpaw so long to get our warrior names if we were apprenticed before them?
Whitestorm: Look, if you want to make sense of all of the timeline rape in the first series, give up now. You'll never manage it.
Silverstream: You idiot! What are you doing in my territory?
Graystripe: Uh, drowning?
Fireheart: ...Thank you, Captain Obvious...
Silverstream: Can't you drown yourself on your own territory?
Fireheart: ...We don't have much water on our territory...
Graystripe: Ah, but who would rescue me there?
Fireheart: ...Someone else...
Cinderpaw: Shh! Can't you see you're ruining their moment?
Cinderpaw: Gah! Am I the only cat that isn't absolutely blind to all the romantic tension in these books?
Cinderpaw: *sigh* While we're on the subject, Sandpaw.
Cinderpaw: You'll see...But not if I have anything to say about it...bitch.
Fireheart: What are you doing!?
Graystripe: *gesturing towards Silverstream* Her.
Fireheart: What if you two get caught?
Silverstream: That won't happen. I'm a clan leader's daughter.
Fireheart: But this is completely against the warrior code!
Silverstream: Yeah, but I'm a clan leader's daughter.
Fireheart: Don't you know how wrong this is?
Silverstream: Didn't you hear me the first time? I'm a clan leader's daughter!
*After Cinderpaw gets hit by a car*
Fireheart: Oh, jeez! Are you okay?
*Fireheart and Graystripe lay down together in WindClan camp. I'm serious, this actually happens.*
Runningwind: Um... What are you two doing...?
Fireheart: WE'RE NOT GAY!