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~~~~Bluestar's Prophecy~~~~

Larksong: Don't take any notice of Featherwhisker.  He teases all the cats.  It's one of the privileges of being medicine cat.
Featherwhisker: Medicine cat apprentice.
Larksong: I can't help but notice that you didn't disagree with the teasing part.
Featherwhisker: Well, it's true.

Goosefeather: StarClan save us!  It's a sign!  Destruction for us all!
Adderfang: Goosefeather, did you forget to take your pills again?

Goosefeather: Look at the vole's fur.  Look, see how the fur is parted along here.  See how it appears flattened here?
Pinestar: But what does it mean?
Goosefeather: It's like a forest flattened by wind.  This is how we will be crushed by WindClan.
Adderfang: Well, it's still pretty credible compared to some of the stuff we listen to.  Well, should we prepare to invade, then?

Stormtail: (Sweet!  Moonflower is dead!  Now I can totally mate with Dappletail!)
Dappletail: (Sweet!  Moonflower is dead!  Now I can totally mate with Stormtail!)

Snowpaw: That's Talltail.  Sparrowpelt thinks he'll be WindClan leader one day.
Bluepaw: Pfft, right.  It certainly sounds like he's compensating for something, too.

Bluepaw: *hears rustling and giggling* …?
Snowpaw: *in bush* Get off!  It tickles!
Thistlepaw: *in bush* Sit still while I pull this one out.
Snowpaw: *in bush* Ow!
Bluepaw: *barges in* What in the name of StarClan are you doing!?
Snowpaw: Thistlepaw was helping me groom my pelt.
Thistlepaw: *grinning seductively* And maybe a little extra…
Bluepaw: Gah!  No extra!
Thistlepaw: *smug* What's wrong, Bluepaw?  Don't want to hear what I was going to do to your sister?
Bluepaw: Gah!  Mental image!

Bluepaw: What is going on with you and him?
Snowpaw: He makes me purr.
Snowpaw: …! No I don't mean anything like that

Bluepaw: *accidentally wounds Goldenpaw* I'm so sorry!
Goldenpaw: That was great!  Can we try it again?
Bluepaw: Uh… maybe we should stop…
Goldenpaw: No! Hurt me again!
Bluepaw: Okay… I think this is straying off into some kinky territory I'd rather not explore…

Jake: My name's Jake!  Next time you can see my nest.
Pinestar: Stop flirting with my warriors!
Jake: Awww… You ruin my fun.

Goosefeather: *ranting* Like fire, you will blaze through the forest.
Bluepaw: What?
Goosefeather: *ranting* The burning branch was a sign from StarClan.  You are fire, Bluepaw, and you will blaze through the forest.
Bluepaw: What are yo-?
Goosefeather: But beware!
Bluepaw: Look, can I go now?  I don't have time to stand around watching you have a fit.

Bluefur: Thanks for cleaning my nest.
Snowfur: That wasn't me.  That was Thrushpelt.  He said you'd be tired when you get back.  He also mentioned something about wanting to share it with you.
Bluefur: Share my nest?  It's awfully small; he would have to be practically lying on top of me!
Snowfur: Yeah, he said something about that, too.

Pinestar: Be strong, my precious son.  Serve your Clan well.
Tigerkit: I don't even know who you are.
Pinestar: That's probably because I never bothered to visit you.  I'm your father, and I'm here to tell you that I'm abandoning you.  I hope this messed up childhood doesn't cause you to become some kind of Neo-Nazi or something, because that would really suck.
Tigerkit: Grrr…

Snowfur: Dammit, Whitekit!  Stop being so bloody cute!  Do you want to be glomped to death by fangirls, or what?*

*After I managed to stop myself from squeeing in public at baby Whitestorm, this is exactly what went through my head.

Goosefeather: *drooling* Keep that creature away from me!
Bluefur: Um, Sunstar?  I think Goosefeather has been mixing his medications again.

Bluefur: *watching Oakheart nap on ThunderClan territory* (That arrogant fur-ball!  How dare he trespass on our territory!  Just looking at him makes me feel an odd tingly sensation between me legs…)

Rosetail: Who is it?
Bluefur: No one!
Rosetail: Thrushpelt?
Bluefur: Of course not!
Rosetail: Too bad.  He spends enough time mooning over you.
Bluefur: Me?
Rosetail: Haven't you noticed him watching you?
Bluefur: Well… there was that time when I woke up and saw him looking down at me panting… and all those times I caught him staring at my ass… and that time he sniffed me when he thought I wasn't looking… but how can we be sure he's been padding after me?

Snowfur: You like him!  You like a RiverClan cat!
Bluefur: No I don't!
Snowfur: I know you better than that!  If it had been any other RiverClan cat, you'd be telling the whole Clan how you chased him off, not making excuses for him.
Bluefur: I'm not making excuses.
Snowfur: You can't make friends with cats from other Clans!  It's against the warrior code!  And Oakheart, of all cats!  He thinks he's StarClan's gift to the Clans.
Bluefur: Oh, look who's talking.  What about Thistleclaw?
Snowfur: …Y-yeah?  Well… well… my arrogant prick is sexier than yours!
Bluefur: No way! ... I mean…yes he is.  Err…I mean… I don't care!
Snowfur: Got you!

Snowfur: Oh, no, you don't! *pwns random ShadowClan cat*
Bluefur: Snowfur…
Snowfur: I'm here to kick ass and nurse my kit, and I'm all out of milk!
ShadowClan Cat#1: Uh…
Snowfur: WHO'S NEXT!?
ShadowClan Cat#2: Run like hell!

Larksong:  You gave up everything for Snowfur's kit.  Look around you: Your Clanmates has mates, kits-lives of their own, beyond being mentors.
Bluefur: There's nothing more impo-
Larksong: Look, just stop moping and get a GET A FREAKING LIFE!

Oakheart: Let's build a nest.
Bluefur: Why do I get the feeling we're not going to use it for sleeping?
Oakheart: Because we're not.
Bluefur: *blushing* I-I see...

Leopardfoot: Have you told Sunstar yet?
Bluefur: Told him what?
Leopardstar: That you're expecting kits.
Bluestar: Wait… WHAT!?
Leopardfoot: …You mean you didn't notice that you were pregnant?  How stupid can you get?

Oakheart:  But if I joined ThunderClan, they'd be ThunderClan kits.
Bluefur: …I don't think it works that way.  You're still pure-blooded RiverClan no matter what you do.
Oakheart: Look, are we going to just discuss genetics, or are we going to make out?
Bluefur: No!  No more making out!
Oakheart: Awww…

Thrushpelt: Rosetail just congratulated me on becoming a father.
Bluefur: She couldn't!  She promised!
Thrushpelt: I can't believe it!  You're going to have my kits!
Bluefur: What?  No!  You can't be the father!  We never… you know…
Thrushpelt: Oh, right!  That was just one of my dreams.
Bluefur: Wait… WHAT did you dream about!?

Thrushpelt: Have you thought about what I said?
Bluefur: Do you really mean it?
Thrushpelt: Yes.  Yes I do.  Now crouch down and…
Bluefur: Gah!  No!  I wasn't talking about that!  I was talking about the other thing you said.
Thrushpelt: Oh, right.  The thing about the kits… Well, I guess that's okay, too…

Goosefeather: I saw you.  With Oakheart at Fourtrees.
Bluefur: You saw us? ...  H-how much did you see...?
Goosefeather: Everything.
Bluefur: E-everything?
Goosefeather: Everything.
Bluefur: Okay, not only are you completely insane, but you're an old pervert.  Why are you allowed in the nursery again?

Bluefur: Is this another lecture to tell me to leave the past behind?
Sunstar: Yes.  You know, now that you mention it, this is the third time I've told you to stop being emo...

Thrushpelt: Hey, Blue-
Bluefur: Look, for the last time, Thrushpelt.  I'm not going to mate with you.
Thrushpelt: Okay...  Can I at least stare at your ass in public?
Bluefur: No!
Thrushpelt: On patrols?
Bluefur: *sigh* Fine...
Thrushpelt: Yes!

Bluestar: ...Well, that ceremony wasn't as long or needlessly painful as it should have been.
Snowfur: Well, we're right near the end of the book.  Maybe Kate is just in a rush to finish?

Spottedleaf: Wait a minute... Wasn't some of that previous conversation a bit different than when it happened in Into the Wild?  Normally when the events of when book happen in another book, the dialogue is copied word-for-word.
Bluestar: Err... Maybe Kate is in a rush to finish this book?

Bluestar: I saw a kittypet today.
Spottedleaf: On our territory?
Bluestar: On a fence.  There was something about him that made me wonder if he would make a good warrior.
Spottedleaf: A kittypet?
Bluestar: His pelt was the colour of flame.
Spottedleaf: Hmmm... He sounds sexy...
Bluestar: That's not what I meant!  I was talking about the prophecy!
Spottedleaf: Oh... that...
More Warriors Abridged!

Sorry this took so long, but I was in the school play, and I had more and more rehearsals eating up my time as we got closer to show time. I literally had to live at school the week of opening night, and then the week after I had a bunch of tests and blah blah blah…

Anyway, this time, it’s Bluestar’s Prophecy, the prequel Super Edition that is widely considered one of (if not the) best books in the series… even though, technically speaking, it isn’t part of the series, but oh well.

I think I’ve got an entry that is proportionate to how long the book is relative to the other books (yes, I’m that anal).

The word of the day is “lollop” and all variations thereof.

The prologue is essentially Bluestar’s death scene at the end of A Dangerous Path from her point of view, except about three pages of dialogue are removed, so the main focus is on her thoughts instead of more stuff we already know.

As she pushes the lead dog into the ravine and falls into the river with them, she sees Oakheart’s spirit which teaches her how to swim, which is sort of a reference to something that doesn’t happen for over 300 pages. With Oakheart’s help, she manages to get to the surface, where she is rescued by Stonefur and Mistyfoot.

The prologue end as she lies dying with her kits and Fireheart, somewhat shortened from all of the talking that she did as she died in A Dangerous Path. The next 500-or-so pages may or may not be her life flashing before her eyes.

The actual book opens with some of Bluekit’s misadventures as she wanders around ThunderClan camp with her sister, Snowkit, after they both open their eyes in a biologically impossible amount of time.

Throughout this chapter, we are introduced to a lot of new characters like Moonflower (their mother), Swiftbreeze, Stonepelt, Featherwhisker, Mumblefoot, Larksong, and various others.

We also hear talk about ThunderClan’s medicine cat, Goosefeather, and how he is a lazy ass who just sits around doing old person stuff while his apprentice, Featherwhisker, does all the work. Of course, Featherwhisker stands up for him.

I’m not going to lie; I totally had a crush on Featherwhisker throughout this book (I’m not gay; I’m only bisexual for characters from Warriors.). He just got me when he first talked to Bluekit and very calmly and frankly stated that he was indeed going to tell Pinestar that she was snooping around in his den, and how when Larksong says that one of his privileges as medicine cat is to tease everyone, he only objects to point out that he is technically only an apprentice.

(We all know that medicine cats have that privilege. Even Leafpool uses it from time to time.)

And I just love his physical description. The way I picture him in my head is so pretty-ful (bishie-ness!), and I picture him talking in this soft, sweet voice all the time, even during his occasional sarcastic moments, and… *catches breath* Yes, as you can see, I found him very glomp-able.

I also really liked Goosefeather. Some people seem to not like him because he’s a few cats short of a patrol, but I like him because he’s… a few cats short of a patrol. I just found how lazy, senile, and all-around insane he is very amusing.

After more introductions to ThunderClan camp (which we already know about) and the members of this generation’s ThunderClan, we skip a bit forward to Bluekit and Snowkit meeting their father, Stormtail, for the first time.

And… he doesn’t seem to care about them. At all. Or Moonflower, for that matter.

Now, that does kind of make him a jerk, but as far as fathers in this series go, he comes off as just about average. And that’s really sad.

After some parental neglect, Snowkit and Bluekit meet Goosefeather. Snowkit uses some really intense deductive reasoning to figure out that he’s Goosefeather, making one wonder how kits can be so smart and so stupid at the same time.

Goosefeather talks to them about what it’s like being a medicine cat, and tells them about how he has to interpret omens from StarClan. Of course, Mumblefoot has already got us questioning Goosefeather’s integrity by talking about how lazy he is, so we begin to question whether he’s really so great at interpreting omens. We will soon learn that he is even worse at it than one could have feared. In fact, he’s so far into senility; he’s come out the other end.

Goosefeather is off treating a patient, Bluekit and Snowkit decide to check out his den, and Snowkit ends up eating some poppy seeds. Moonflower gets all freaked out about it, despite Goosefeather’s insistence that poppy seeds won’t cause any damage. Of course, blame falls on Goosefeather. This is also the way the law works in real life (At least in Canada). Yes, it sucks, but I’m not joking.

Anyway, Snowkit is still perfectly fine because, as Goosefeather said, they were just poppy seeds. The chapter ends with Patchpaw and Leopardpaw’s apprentice ceremony, and the two kits desperately waiting for their turn.

The next chapter skips ahead a few moons (this book does this a lot). One of the first things we learn is that there are new kits in the nursery: Sweetkit, Rosekit, and Thistlekit. Apparently, Bluekit got to name Thistlekit, and named him for his spiky fur that stuck up everywhere. I also find this is a fitting name because he’s a massive prick. Also, he ends up sleeping with Bluekit’s sister. We also learn that Dappletail and White-eye have become warriors. Good job, minor characters. Good job.

While trying to sneak a peak at what is outside camp, Bluekit bumps into Sunfall, the deputy of ThunderClan. He offers to show her a bit of the territory, and we are treated to a few pages of him helping her climb up the ravine.

These kind of random sequences are hard to summarize without going into an excruciating amount of detail, so I’m not even going to try to bother. These constant details about Clan life is also what all the purists clogging up the fanbase seem to love. Apparently, gimmicks like the workings of Clan society are more important to the quality of a book than plot and characters. You can see how little respect I have for their opinions.

When they reach the top, they bump into the dawn patrol, who claims that WindClan has been stealing prey. They go back to camp and announce what they found. The usual argument and yelling at each other over what to do results.

Pinestar decides that they shouldn’t d anything hasty since they don’t have enough evidence. But at the next Gathering, he’s going to issue a stern warning to WindClan, and maybe waggle his finger at them. Then they’ll be sorry.

He also announces that he is ready to make Bluekit and Snowkit into apprentices. The newly named Bluepaw and Snowpaw are congratulated by their former denmates, except for Thistlekit, who is still being a jerk.

We see some of Snowpaw being unnecessarily nice to Thistlekit, whereas Bluepaw seems to hate his guts. Foreshadowing, people!

However, it is soon suggested that Pinestar just made them apprentices to distract the Clan from WindClan. Even if that failed, he still gets two extra apprentices if a battle does result.

Of course, Bluepaw and Snowpaw couldn’t care less; they’re freaking apprentices! They both go out training, and Bluepaw’s mentor, Stonepelt, has some special training in mind for her: learning the secrets of gathering moss. Easily the most useful skill a warrior can learn.

Beyond teaching her how to carry the most moss, he also teaches her the clawing action that is useful for both moss gathering and fighting, so I guess it’s kind of a “wax on, wax off” thing.

Learn the fundamentals. I know this may sound cliché, but as someone with nine years experience in Tae-Kwon-Do, I can say it is the truth. You may think black belt symbolizes that you know everything, but it really only symbolizes that you know enough to know just how little you know. People third-degree black belt and higher make me feel so inferior…

Of course, Bluepaw is dissatisfied. I kind of agree with her, since Stonepelt makes it sound like he was just making excuses. And although learning to do chores is important, it would be better if he started out with something more exciting for her. Like Sparrowpelt did with Snowpaw.

Anyway, Stonepelt promises that they will go hunting tomorrow, probably to make up for today. And the next day, they… go hunting.

More generic apprentice stuff I’m not going to summarize…blah, blah, blah…

Anyway, Bluepaw’s first hunting mission is a success, and she catches a squirrel. All of the Clan is impressed, especially Thrushpelt. Foreshadowing!

As a reward for her competent hunting, Bluepaw gets to go to the Gathering! Of course, we don’t actually see what happens at the Gathering, since the book just skips ahead to the next morning, and Bluepaw was too overwhelmed to really remember anything. Damn you, timeskips!

Thankfully, my Featherwhisker comes in and gives us a run-down. Basically, Pinestar said that they had found evidence of other Clans hunting on their territory and issued a warning. He never directly mentioned WindClan, but was looking at Heatherstar, WindClan’s leader, while making his warning. Good old covert political strategising.

Everything seems vaguely normal, until Snowpaw comes back from hunting with a vole. Goosefeather then has some random freak-out and starts ranting about how they’re all going to die. Cheery.

He goes on a whole rant about the way its fur was flattened by the wind is a sign that the forest will be destroyed by WindClan and some such nonsense. Now, everyone knows he’s senile, but they’re just too desperate to fight WindClan to actually care. This is one of the moments where I can’t help but feel freaked out about all of the fans that seem to believe the cats live in an ideal society.

Uh oh, this sounds like a plot. And getting involved in the plot of this series always causes you to either end up dead or very emo. Sunrise, ‘nuff said.

Anyway, they start to prepare for a raid on WindClan’s camp. Since Bluepaw and Snowpaw are just fresh apprentices, they won’t actually be fighting, but instead they will be there to help injured Clanmates and relay messages.

The rest of the chapter features Bluepaw and Snowpaw trying to contain their fear about the battle as they talk it out with Pinestar and their mother. This is one of the parts that seems to reach the deepest into human emotion to try and explain the nature of being a warrior. Moonflower also makes a remark along the lines of “I will always be with you”. Hmmm, I wonder what that could be hinting at. I really like the emotional content in this part, but again, I can’t really summarize this, so let’s move on to the battle.

Before the battle, Goosefeather reports another “sign”, saying that StarClan is telling them to destroy WindClan’s medicine supply. Remember kids, war crimes are perfectly fine if God tells you to commit them.

As the raiding party head into WindClan territory, it starts to rain. Uh oh, this can’t be good. Rain is inherently dramatic, and since Vicky takes the concept of “conflict drives the plot” and turns it up to eleven, something dramatic happening can never be good. Seriously, name me one time in the series rain has led to good stuff happening. Chapter 22 of Starlight doesn’t count, because even with all of its epic LeafxCrow-ness, it still features two cats dying.

They finally arrive at WindClan camp and all of the other cats rush in and attack, while Bluepaw, Snowpaw, Swiftbreeze, and Featherwhisker wait outside.

Bluepaw hears Featherwhisker muttering something under his breath, and thinks it’s a prayer. When she listens in, she actually hears him reciting all the herbs and their uses. Awww… he’s so cute when he worries! This was one of the points in the book where I just wanted to give Featherwhisker a big hug.

Suddenly, Robinwing rushes out and says that Leopardpaw is injured, and Bluepaw and Swiftbreeze go into the raging battle to bring her back for help.

As they walk into the camp, they are faced with an absolutely insane battle. And I don’t use the word insane lightly. The rain is even used as a way to enhance all of the blood flying everywhere.

Bluepaw also ends up face to face with WindClan’s warrior-turned-medicine-cat, Hawkheart, who taunts her and stuff. Of course, he has to leave to treat other cats before he can beat her up. As they are leaving with Leopardpaw, Bluepaw sees her mother being chased out of the medicine den.

Hawkheart then flies at her and kicks the crap out of her some incredibly intense cat-fu stuff. Seriously, he like, FREAKING JUDO FLIPS her.

This savage beating causes Bluepaw to let out a loud “Noooooooo!” with eight “o”s. Now, “No!”s with multiple “o”s are completely unheard of in this series. In fact, this kind of loudness is pretty rare, considering the Erins don’t seem to be fond of using exclamation points. Warriors is the only series where a sentence can start with “He murdered my father…” and end with a period.

Almost immediately afterward, Pinestar calls for a retreat, and ThunderClan starts to leave, shamed. Now, Stormtail leaves with Dappletail, not really caring about his mate. Of course, this isn’t really the first time we’ve seen him ignoring her. He seems to spend a lot more time with Dappletail. He isn’t even around to protect her, and yet earlier in the same battle we seem him rescuing, you guessed it, Dappletail.

Now, also remember that towards the end of the book, Stormtail and Dappletail become mates. But looking at all of this, it seems like Stormtail was cheating on Moonflower with Dappletail as early as this. Yeah. Great guy, that Stormtail.

Bluepaw goes down to help Moonflower and when she doesn’t respond, she asks why she isn’t moving. Pinestar responds by telling her that she’s dead. OMFG! The foreshadowing was right! Very much emo-making. Bluepaw then says something about how they were fighting noble warriors who wouldn’t kill someone for no reason.

Now that’s the thing, Hawkheart did have a reason. Moonflower was kind of trying to commit a war crime. Although he’s virtually forgotten now, Hawkheart got a lot of flak from the fanbase for this, some even saying he went to the Place of No Stars. Now yes, he was a jerk, and he did go too far, but he was relatively justified in his course of action.

I also heard complaints about how he was a medicine cat and he shouldn’t do stuff like that. Medicine cats are still trained to fight, you know. They still are allowed to defend their Clan if necessary. Besides, what about Yellowfang? She killed Brokenstar, like, two times.

I’m not standing up for him just because his name prefix is “Hawk” (although that is part of the reason I’m drawn to him), I’m just saying he’s not a full-out villain. Yes, he’s a jerk, but certainly not Place of No Stars material.

Anyway, after they bring Moonflower’s body back to camp and prepare it for burial, Bluepaw starts to get all angsty and complains about how they are trying to make her body look like she is still alive and stuff like that. As her emoness starts to set in, we get another time step.

Among things that have happened since then: there are new apprentices, one of them Thistlepaw, and Stonepelt had to retire because of a wound from the battle and Sunfall is now Bluepaw’s mentor.

Bluepaw has also become some emo kid who bitches at pretty much everyone. She also calls Snowpaw a traitor for being happy. The fiend!

Sunfall eventually gives her an epic lecture about how much of a bitch she has been. We’ll call this “Stop Being Emo” Lecture #1.

He talks about how Moonflower died to serve her Clan and that she wouldn’t want her daughter to become a whiny bitch because of it. After resolving to concentrate on her training to avoid being emo so that she can serve her Clan like her mother wanted, Sunfall tells Bluepaw that he’s letting her go to the Gathering… even though she doesn’t deserve it. Nice touch.

Now we get our first actual Gathering of the book, where we get little glimpses of characters from the first series, like Talltail (star), and Yellowfang, as well as learning that all of the other Clans are still pissed at ThunderClan for their pointless raid on WindClan.

However, Bluepaw spends the majority of the gathering talking with Crookedpaw (star), who seems to be acting somewhat flirty towards her, making it all the more awkward that she ends up sleeping with his brother.

Apparently even Snowpaw noticed something between them and Bluepaw replies by saying she wasn’t mooning over him like she does with Thistleclaw. Snowpaw replies by saying “You’re just jealous!” kind of like one of those homicidal Twilight fangirls when someone says something about Edward and Bella’s relationship.

Earlier in the next chapter, Bluepaw overhears a rather easy to misinterpret conversation between Thistleclaw and her Snowpaw, who seem to struggling around in a bush. Fearing for her sister’s virginity, Bluepaw rushes in and sees Thistleclaw getting burrs out of Snowpaw’s pelt.

Well, that is their story, and it is true, but it’s pretty obvious they were deriving some other enjoyment from it. Not to mention that I can’t see any non-sexual way to interpret Snowpaw’s “He makes me purr” considering the amount of physical interaction between them. Yeah, Bluepaw wasn’t joking about that “mooning over him” thing.

This is just a red flag about all of the covert sexuality in this book. And boy is there a lot of it.

Afterwards, we have some more random Clan stuff going on, as well as Bluepaw helping the two youngest apprentices, Goldenpaw and Lionpaw in battle training.
Lionpaw is really cute here with all of his enthusiasm, and I almost kind of regret just ditching him after he died in the first book.

Really, when he died I was like: “Awww, which hunky kitty am I going to obsess over now? ... Oh, Whitestorm~~~”

… Well, I didn’t use the phrase “hunky kitty”; I was only 9 or 10 at the time. But you know what I’m getting at.

Anyway, Bluepaw also ends up practicing some moves with Goldenpaw, and ends up wounding her accidentally. Bluepaw tries to apologize, but Goldenpaw just seems unreasonably excited.

This book teaches us many things we didn’t know about the first series characters, one of them being that Goldenflower is a masochist. This makes her being Tigerstar’s temporary mate make so much sense.

Anyway, upon getting back to camp, they learn that RiverClan has been messing around on Sunningrocks, and they need to do something about it. Pinestar arranges some random strategy and sends out two patrols to attack Sunningrocks from separate sides.

During the battle, Bluepaw ends up fighting with Crookedpaw, who claims that they are no longer friends because it isn’t a Gathering. Or he’s just angry because he read about what she does to his brother later in the book.

With Snowpaw’s help, Bluepaw is able to drive Crookedpaw away, and Sunningrocks stays under ThunderClan’s possession.

Back at camp, Bluepaw is annoyed to see Snowpaw and Thistleclaw being very intimate together. Adderfang also makes a remark about how fighting over Sunningrocks hasn’t ended yet. No shit.

Among the post battle remarks, one that stands out is “I had Ottersplash in a grip so tight she had to beg me to let her go!” Am I the only one who sees this as an accidental sexual innuendo?

If only “Ottersplash” was replaced with a more general pronoun, I could put it in my collection of “Lines That Would Be Much More Inappropriate If Said by Crowfeather to Leafpool”, which so far only contains “Pretend you’re a mouse, and I’ll catch you!”

Yes, Leafpool, bend over and let Crowfeather pounce on you.

Anyway, more nothing-of-consequence is going on, and Bluepaw encounters Jake the kittypet. Now, Jake is Scourge and Firestar’s father starts pestering her with a bunch of random questions about Clan life.

To me, it also seems like he’s flirting with her. This combined with the fact that he apparently has had at least two mates, and is so chubby and fluffbrained that you can’t really get mad at him makes me think of him as somewhat of a Loveable Sex Maniac. Just sayin’.

Suddenly, Pinestar comes out of nowhere and tells Bluepaw to stay away from Twolegplace. It’s difficult to tell whether this is where Pinestar meets Jake, or if he’s driving away Bluepaw because he doesn’t want her to know that he’s friends with a kittypet. Or they could also be gay lovers. C’mon, you’ve gotta admit there’s a possibility.

Since Bluepaw didn’t catch anything on that particular hunting mission, she has to go out at dawn to try and catch something.

As she goes out with Snowpaw, they end up getting chased by a fox. Thankfully, Bluepaw is saved by the power of freak lighting strikes, as a burning, lightning struck branch crashes down just inches in front of her as the fox is about to get her.

It seems that that vague peril has ended as Bluepaw is dragged off to Goosefeather’s den to treat her burned muzzle. Once they’re alone, Goosefeather starts rambling on about how it was a prophecy and that Bluepaw is fire that will blaze through the forest, and warns her that she can be destroyed by water.

Beyond being freaked out by the sheer randomness of this, Bluefur doesn’t really believe him, considering his last “prophecy” is what got her mother killed. However, she still can’t stop thinking about the possibility of leading her Clan.

Anyway, we have another timeskip, and now Bluefur and Snowfur are warriors! Yay! As you would expect, they have to keep vigil.

They wake up late the next day, and guess what their first task as warriors is? Gathering catmint with Featherwhisker! Bluefur thinks it will be as disappointing as her first day as an apprentice, but I would love to spend some time with Featherwhisker!

He is just so glomp-worthy here when he’s subtly mocking Bluefur for being so alert, and when he talks about being a medicine cat, and how he is still able to hunt and stuff. :love:

Anyway, while they’re gathering catmint, Bluefur spots Pinestar meeting with Jake, and starts to get suspicious.

The next vaguely important thing is the Gathering. Nothing much happens, other than that we now know that Crookedpaw has become Crookedjaw, and we get a bit of Oakheart being an arrogant jerk. I guess that might be vaguely important since he ends up stalking through Bluefur’s undergrowth.

I’m just going to say now that I find BluexOak kind of…awkward. Well, maybe not awkward, but I’m just annoyed that there are wankers people out there who attack LeafxCrow because it came out of nowhere, whereas BluexOak seems to be safe from complaints like that.

Really, the only difference is that people knew about BluexOak before the book even started. Besides, they only have, like, two or three actual conversations before Oakheart goes all “Hey! Wanna go mate at Fourtrees?”

I mean, I don’t hate BluexOak, but I’m annoyed that takes all of the thinks that all the wankers in the fandom apparently “hate” about LeafxCrow, turns them up to eleven, and everyone loves it.

I mean, Leafpool and Crowfeather have an entire book of increasingly emotional encounters, until they are finally able to admit the feelings they have developed for each other. Bluefur and Oakheart bump into each other very infrequently, and Bluefur doesn’t really show much emotion beyond “He makes me tingle down there.”

Also, their whole confession thing is awkward. After Oakheart admits his feelings, Bluefur is all “WTF?”, and then in the next chapter she’s suddenly pining for some RiverClan booty. With Leafpool and Crowfeather, it was a lot more dramatic and romantic, and we actually saw Leafpool admit her feeling and felt her be swept off of her feet.

And when it all comes down to it, there relationship was pretty much a one-night stand, I mean, they do interact quiet a bit before they get down to business, and it is cute, but in the end a lot of it still seems to just be sex. I mean, there is some very intense attraction between Leafpool and Crowfeather, but their relationship lasts much longer, and they are still very important to each other afterward.

I actually like BluexOak, but it seems like a somewhat awkward version of LeafxCrow, and I’m annoyed that some wankers people don’t like LeafxCrow, but everyone loves BluexOak.

I will always assert that Leafpool and Crowfeather were more in love than any other couple in the books, because that is simply the feeling I get when I am reading about them.

Anyway, next up, Bluefur is going with Pinestar to the Moonstone so that he can ask StarClan about junk, and stuff.

After Pinestar asks whatever he needed, they head back to camp, and it turns out that Thrushpelt cleaned up Bluefur’s nest while she was gone. Now that she’s a warrior, it seems he’s going to start being more forward. Do I even need to say what he wants from her?

Well, apparently Snowfur and Bluefur need me to, because they don’t quiet see any significance in this, probably because Bluefur wasn’t expecting to have a senior warrior padding after her so soon.

I think the next chapter skips ahead a bit, too, since now Sunningrocks seems to be in RiverClan’s possession, and everyone is complaining about how Pinestar isn’t doing anything about it.

At the border they also encounter a RiverClan patrol, and Bluefur stares at Oakheart for maybe three seconds. Foreshadowing.

Back at camp, there is also talk about how Leopardfoot is having Pinestar’s kits. Hold up. Let’s think about that for a second. Leopardfoot was just a young kit at the beginning of the book, and Pinestar was still a somewhat experienced leader back then, so… oh dear god.

Yes, Pinestar has mated with a cat that has got to be at least three years younger than him. I guess he likes his she-cats young.

Of course, Pinestar doesn’t even visit her at all, making this seem even more like it was just him looking to satisfy his desires with a young warrior. Not to mention that he is still sneaking off to meet with Jake, which may or may not further implicate him as a sex maniac.

I’m not necessarily saying him and Jake have been mating (although it is a possibility), but you also have to consider that him and Jake would be pretty much the only toms in Twolegplace who still have balls. The entire neighbourhood would be their oyster, and since the whole reason he’s even hanging out with Jake is as an escape from Clan life, it certainly does seem like he’s taking this golden opportunity.

But also, you just have to love the irony of Tigerstar and Scourge/Firestar’s fathers being such good friends. Seriously, it’s almost worth writing a fan fic about them just so I can include the line “Y’know, if they had ever met, I think our sons would have gotten along great!”

Anyway, after an incredibly long and painful premature birth, Leopardfoot finally gives birth to two she-kits and the feline reincarnation of Hitler a tom.

All of the clan goes to get a good night’s sleep. Except for Bluefur, who can’t get to sleep because she has diarrhoea. Well, they never say “diarrhoea”, but given the symptoms, it’s definitely what’s happening.

I would have to say, this is the first book I’ve read where the protagonist has diarrhoea, and I can sympathize with her, because it really sucks having diarrhoea in the middle of the night… or in English class when the teacher won’t let you go to the bathroom until half an hour into class. But I digress.

It turns out that Sweetpaw and Rosepaw are feeling ill as well, and they suspect it has something to do with the mouse that they shared earlier.

Anyway, Pinestar is still being a neglectful jerk (see what I mean about fathers in this series?), and Bluefur asks Lionpaw if he’s seen Pinestar.

Lionpaw doesn’t answer, and smells like catmint. Bluefur suspects he knows more than he’s saying, and he does, as we know from Code of the Clans. Anyway, when Pinestar finally shows up, Bluefur sees that she’s not the only one questioning his loyalty.

Anyway, in the next chapter, Bluefur is on a hunting patrol with Thistlepaw and some other cats, and Thistlepaw is, as usual, being an ass and going out of his way to annoy her. Or course, that probably wouldn’t be too hard, since the Erins have also set him up perfectly for “Hey, Bluefur, guess what I was doing to your sister last night.”

Thistlepaw is put on guard duty to warn the other cats if any danger comes their way. Of course, he yells out a couple of false alarms just to piss off Bluefur. She finally starts to ignore him just as he actually calls out for real.

Just as she realises the threat is real, Thistlepaw yells out “DOG!” again seems out of place since the Erins have never resorted to caps lock before.

After some being chased around, Thistlepaw turns around and slaps the crap out the dog just before it reaches ThunderClan camp. Although he is a total prick, you have to admit that that was totally awesome.

Pinestar agrees as well, and gives him his warrior name. The newly named Thistleclaw sleeps tightly curled up with Snowfur, much to Bluefur’s disgust.

Oh yeah, and then Sweetpaw dies just because of the bad mouse. Just throwing that out there.

In addition to spontaneous deaths, it seems that RiverClan is trespassing on ThunderClan territory, and Pinestar is nowhere to be found. So instead, Sunfall leads a patrol to go kick their asses.

After asses have been kicked, Pinestar finally shows up, and tells the Clan that he is leaving them to go live as a kittypet.

Of course, everyone is pissed at this, and throws random insults at him, but he does not waver. Again, he must be pretty attached to Jake.

As he leaves ThunderClan in Sunfall’s capable paws, he says one last good-bye to his kits. Yeah, that really makes up for everything. Tigerkit is not impressed. Yeah, it’s no coincidence that he grows up to have an irrational hatred for kittypets.

Featherwhisker (<3) then goes with Sunfall to the Moonstone so that he can get his nine lives, but Goosefeather wonders whether or not he will be accepted by StarClan.

…Oh wait, he does get accepted. Goosefeather still seems a bit suspicious, though. Tawnyspots is also named deputy.

At this point, Thistleclaw starts talking to Snowfur about how he wants to be deputy, and Bluefur is freaked out by this because she certainly doesn’t want to be lead by such a jackass.

Bluefur is still fed up with Snowfur and Thistleclaw. In one of his many attempts to get in her pants, Thrushpelt tries to get Bluefur to warm up to him by making a joke about them. Bluefur still gets offended anyway. Smooth, Thrushpelt, smooth.

It gets even worse when Snowfur then tells Bluefur that she is expecting kits. Bluefur is… well, this situation is just awkward in general, so… yeah…

However, Bluefur tries to be accepting, and about a moon later, Whitekit is born! Hurray for baby Whitestorm! The only way to make Whitestorm sexier is by showing him as a cute little kitten, and that’s exactly what they do here. He’s so bloody cute here!


…However, when he opens his eyes (again, in a biologically impossible amount of time) he has blue eyes instead of yellow. Oh well.

And then after another brief timeskip, more kits are born. Now that Whitekit is old enough to be wandering around, he seems to have become good friends with Tigerkit. They are walking over to the medicine den when… OMWTFGBBQ!

Goosefeather just snaps and starts yelling at Tigerkit to get away from him, and that he doesn’t want that disgusting creature near him. Yeah, the cats have suspected that Goosefeather was a loony for quiet some time now, but now he’s finally gone off his rocker.

The next scene of note would be Bluefur catching Oakheart sleeping on the ThunderClan side of the river. And she watches him as he sleeps. I’m not joking. I’m not sure whether this is because of a piece of art of this scene that I’ve favourited where Oakheart has his legs splayed in an odd way, or just my perverted-ness when it comes to cats, but I can’t help but picture her glancing between his legs here.

Anyway, after catching herself in this somewhat…questionable… moment, Bluefur decides to attack to show him a lesson.

The resulting scene is just so epically amusing, as Bluestar’s attempts to chase of Oakheart fail miserably. As they struggle, Bluefur falls into the river and asks for help. Oakheart suggests that she just stand up. Yes, she thought she was drowning in knee deep water.

Hee-hee, this scene is so cute. “It seems a shame to leave at the start of such a promising friendship.”

After Bluefur finally convinces Oakheart to leave, Rosetail shows up and says that she looks all moony. Bluefur denies it, but Rosetail presses further (Hold it!). Yeah, I don’t normally say this about any character, but Rosetail kind of irritated me with this whole thing. Like, how she keeps trying to force Thrushpelt on Bluefur, and how she seems to be obsessed with toms and getting a mate. She just… grates.

And that's really saying something, since I've never really been irritated by any other Warriors character. Well, Darkstripe a bit during The Darkest Hour, but it didn't last long.

Anyway, Rosetail inquires about whether it was Thrushpelt that Bluefur was being all moony over. Yes, other cats are beginning to notice Thrushpelt stalking Bluefur, and yet Bluefur herself hasn’t. She officially has Firestar syndrome.

The subject changing quickly, Rosetail suggests that Bluefur goes to talk to Snowfur because she’s been restless being cooped up in the nursery all day. Bluefur heads back to camp and convinces Snowfur to go for a walk with her since her son seems to be perfectly fine just hanging out with the feline antichrist.

When they go by the river, Bluefur again finds herself thinking of Oakheart, but it doesn’t last long. Snowfur brings up the subject of another battle with RiverClan, and Bluefur says that battles are dangerous. Snowfur accuses her of being disloyal for thinking this, because apparently not wanting to get in fights where people get hurt and sometimes killed is bad.

Bluefur counters by saying that she just recently chased off a RiverClan warrior. Upon further inquiry, Snowfur deduces that Bluefur likes Oakheart, and proceeds to pester her about how it’s against the warrior code. Bluefur denies it, but things are getting noticeably tenser. Bluefur remarks that she doesn’t even want a mate or to end up holed up in the nursery with kits.

Now, this was probably the worst thing she could have said, given her sister’s circumstances, and Snowfur runs away having a hissy fit.

When Bluefur catches up to Snowfur, she finds her stalking some ShadowClan warriors that have strayed onto the wrong side of the Thunderpath. The two warriors are able to scare off the ill-prepared patrol, and Snowfur just goes all insane on them.

Now, here, I can’t help but think of Snowfur like Izumi Curtis from Fullmetal Alchemist because the way she’s all hormonal over her kit and stuff is causing her to kick ass just reminds me of how Izumi always informs people that she’s “just a housewife” as she’s kicking their asses.

The still Brooklyn Rage-ing Snowfur follows the already defeated patrol across the Thunderpath, and all Bluefur can do is watch as her sister gets hit by a monster.

Okay, I simply can’t do all the angst in this chapter any justice. Among all of the angsting, we have Bluefur asking her sister to get up even though she knows she’s dead, Bluefur having to tell Whitekit that her mother has just been killed, and Bluefur lashing out at StarClan for taking her sister from her. THE ANGST!

Of course, Thistleclaw also blames her for Snowfur dying. He is kind of right in the sense that she caused her to go so crazy, but he’s wrong in the sense that it was an accident, and Bluefur didn’t want this to happen. Of course, the point is, they hate each other, and this just makes it worse. Not just because of the whole blame thing, but because Snowfur was pretty much the only reason they were being civil to each other.

A short little timeskip. More new kits and warriors, and more of Bluefur being emo.

Amongst all her moping, Tawnyspots approaches Bluefur and tells her that she will be coming to the Gathering and that she should stop being emo and spend some time with Whitekit.

A somewhat funny bit comes up when Tawnyspots asks Bluefur what makes her so special, and Bluefur almost responds with “I lost my sister!” Ironically, Ashfur fans use similar logic to defend Ashfur.

On the way to the Gathering, she also talks to Featherwhisker, who tells her that Snowfur is still watching over her, and again that she needs to watch over Whitekit.

He says that Thistleclaw will be able to teach Whitekit how to be a fierce warrior, but he needs someone to teach him kindness. Basically, he’s saying that Thistleclaw is a dick, and his son needs someone to teach him some human decency.

Bluefur also bumps into Oakheart, who tries to comfort her by saying that he would be lost if anything happened to Crookedjaw. Bluefur just yells at him and leaves. Yay!

One thing that comes up at the Gathering is that Yellowfang is now ShadowClan’s apprentice medicine cat, at which point she has a bit of a moment with Raggedpelt. Now, this confuses me a little.

The little glance between them seems to suggest that their little affair is already in progress, which would mean that Yellowfang randomly decided to become a medicine cat while already sleeping with her Clan’s deputy. On top of that, if she wasn’t a medicine cat before, why would she and Raggedpelt keep their escapades a secret? Of course, Raggedpelt’s glance at her could just mean he’s attracted to her (“attracted to Yellowfang”… That just sounds weird no matter how you say it…) and annoyed that she’s now off limits.

Anyway, we eventually get to RiverClan’s turn, and Oakheart decides to take the floor. Bluefur responds to Oakheart’s arrogant smooth talking by saying he’s “Smooth as a snake”. Yes, you heard that right. She’s comparing the male character that she is subconsciously attracted to, to a snake. Freud must be rolling in his grave.

However, Rosetail says he’s handsome, causing Bluefur to react in a somewhat amusing way. However, Rosetail cuts her off because the sexy kitty is still talking. As amusing as her crush on Oakheart and Bluefur’s reactions are, I still want to slap Rosetail upside the head. She just… grates.

After the Gathering is over, Sunstar talks about how Bluefur should decide to contribute her gifts to the Clan instead of wasting them by moping around. We’ll call this “Stop Being Emo” Lecture #2.

What Sunstar says causes Bluefur to think about the prophecy, questioning whether or not she can lead her Clan to greatness like predicted.

At the beginning of the next chapter, Bluefur has a dream where Snowfur and Whitekit are drowning in the river. Well, not really drowning, since they are more at risk of being killed by the jagged rocks that they’re heading for.

Snowfur calls out to Bluefur to save her son. After some dramatic angsting, Bluefur saves Whitekit and vows that she will never let anything bad happen to him. After waking up, Bluefur immediately goes to play with Whitekit. The very “subtle” dream worked!

Then Thrushpelt comes in and says Bluefur has a patrol. As she leaves, she sees Thistleclaw teaching Whitekit battle moves, and they get in an argument over it.

Afterwards, they end up on the same patrol, and while out hunting, Bluefur and Thistleclaw get in an argument about whether or not to chase away a young kittypet. Thistleclaw calls Bluefur soft, and says that she can’t let her near Whitekit until he’s seen some proof of her loyalty. He says that she abandoned Whitekit when he needed her, and threatens her to stay away from Whitekit. Oh, it’s on now.

Now of course, here he kind of has a point. Bluefur did ignore Whitekit for a while, and he is only thinking of his son, but, of course, he is a complete psychopath and Bluefur is a much better role model for Whitekit.

Back at camp, Rosetail makes a remark to Bluefur about how she and Thrushpelt make a good couple. Again, Rosetail. Grating. Grrr. Bluefur denies it and says they’re just friends. Poor Thrushpelt.

Rosetail also mentions that Thistleclaw plans to become deputy, and that just may happen as Tawnyspots has contracted an incredibly vague Soap Opera Disease and may have to retire eventually. Rosetail makes a remark about how stupid it would be to give Thistleclaw the power to start battles at a whim.

Soon after, Tigerkit gets apprenticed and becomes Tigerpaw, getting Thistleclaw as his mentor. Uh oh, this can’t be good. Not only does Thistleclaw having an apprentice enable him to become deputy, but he simply should not be allowed to be anyone’s dominant male role model, especially for someone with parental abandonment issues. Of course, we all know how Tigerstar turns out, so yeah.

Afterwards, Bluefur and Goosefeather have a private conversation, Bluefur grudgingly so, as she is fully aware of how insane Goosefeather is. Goosefeather asks her about the prophecy, and says that Tawnyspots won’t die yet, giving her enough time to become deputy if she puts all of her effort into it. He says that she needs to become deputy instead of Thistleclaw because only blood lies in his path.

We also get another scene of Thrushpelt getting rejected for, like, the tenth time, simply because Bluefur doesn’t care, and thinks he lacks ambition. Of course, the example of ambition that instantly pops into her mind is Oakheart. Hint-Hint.

Rosetail berates her for continuing to ignore Thrushpelt’s affections and says “I wish I had a cat following me around like that.” Whore. Y’know, since Thrushpelt and Rosetail seem to be so desperate for mates, why don’t they just hook up with each other and get it over with?

We also see Tigerpaw showing off some battle moves that he learned from Thistleclaw in an incredibly short amount of time. Goosefeather says something about how Tigerpaw never should have survived.

Yes, he should have never survived, because he’s a completely evil psychopath. Although, without Tigerstar, there would be no Brambleclaw. And there would be no need for Firestar, meaning no Squirrelflight. Without Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight, the Clans might not have made it through the Great Journey.

Firestar not coming to the forest would also mean no Leafpool and no Cloudtail, meaning no Jay, Lion, and Dove, meaning the Power of Three prophecy would just be meaningless. Although, the prophecy was made long before he was born, so it might correct itself… But at the same time, since Tigerstar seems to be unofficial Generalissimos off the Dark Forest, so if he died as a kit, it would also destroy the need for the prophecy in the first place, and…

Let’s just write him off as a “necessary evil”.

Later on, Bluefur actually sees Thistleclaw training with Tigerpaw, and its quiet brutal. Interrupting their training, Bluefur tells them that they’re all needed for a border patrol. Well, on the patrol, Thistleclaw tells Bluefur that she is making Whitekit soft by playing with him. No, really. Before Bluefur can respond, Thistleclaw spots a young kitten from the Twolegplace and gets Tigerpaw to brutally assault it.

Now, this bit crosses over with The Rise of Scourge, so the kit that Tigerpaw is beating half to death actually ends up killing him in possibly the most violent and painful way imaginable. Oh, the irony!

Bluefur is barely able to stop Tigerpaw from killing the kit, and this savage display of violence causes her to vow to never let Thistleclaw become deputy.

Now, I also see some people who think Thistleclaw went to the Dark Forest, which I find odd. I mean, yes, he is a complete psychopath, as demonstrated here, but did he ever try to do anything contrary to the warrior code?

No. Although he does go too far, he did everything with the good of his Clan in mind. And in the end, although people blame him for everything that Tigerstar did (oh, you crazy point-missing fans, you), he never intended for anything like that to happen, and never made any honest attempts at killing anybody.

Now, I’m not defending him; he is a complete prick. However, he simply isn’t Dark Forest-type evil.

Anyway, another timeskip, this one’s a long one. Among new news, Tigerpaw is now Tigerclaw, and him and Thistleclaw have taken it into themselves to hog the centre of the warrior’s den, making them selves senior warriors, apparently. And, Whitekit has now just become Whitestorm. YAY!

Bluefur has a chat with the elders, and Larksong tells her to get a life. No, I’m not joking. She tells her that she has spent enough time caring for Snowfur’s kit (I mean, he’s a sexy warrior now!) and defending her Clan, and says that she should settle down and have kits of her own.

When Bluefur refuses, Larksong remarks that Thrushpelt has waited long enough. Yeah, it turns out most of ThunderClan are BluexThrush shippers, and have all been waiting for Bluefur to get over her Firestar syndrome. Unfortunately, she’s still as blind Jayfeather.

Bluefur goes out on a hunting patrol, and at the RiverClan border, where she has a brief encounter with Oakheart. Him praising her catch apparently sparks a thrill in her, whereas Thrushpelt’s praise can’t.

You hear that? Oakheart can give Bluefur a good thrill, but when Thrushpelt does the same… she’s just not feeling it. Sexual innuendo?

I also have to laugh at how Thrushpelt always gets compared to Oakheart, and just always loses in the end. Poor Thrushpelt.

Later on, Sunstar announces that they are going to retake Sunningrocks. By issuing a stern warning. Ooh! Thistleclaw and Tigerclaw are obviously opposed to this since it contains a minimum of sickening violence, but Sunstar insists that they will fight if necessary, but he wishes to avoid it if he can.

Bluefur is part of the patrol sent to RiverClan, and afterwards Oakheart pulls her aside for a little private chat.
In a rather jumbled confession of love, Oakheart tells Bluefur that he can’t stop think about her, and that he wants to know everything about her. Oakheart tells her to meet him at Fourtrees at moonhigh.

The next chapter is mostly Bluefur making excuses and finding a way to worm out of camp at night. Although her actions in the previous chapter didn’t really indicate it, she now wants to go out and see Oakheart.

As she heads to Fourtrees, she begins to think that she is a traitor and thinks about everything she is betraying. She detects Snowfur’s spirit, and shrugs it away by saying “I have to do this.” Why? There’s absolutely no necessity in her actions; she just wants to get laid.

The next chapter is mostly a cute little romantic bit of Bluefur and Oakheart playing around and climbing trees. At one point, Oakheart pins Bluefur down and bites her scruff. What? They do realise that that is what cats do when they mate, right?

The night ends with Bluefur telling Oakheart that this can never happen again because they are from different Clans, as she angsts inwardly about her destiny.

The spirits of Moonflower and Snowfur appear before Bluefur to try and remind her of her destiny. She wants to fulfill the prophecy, but she resolves just to spend one night with Oakheart. Now, she has already spent a good amount of time with Oakheart, and her insistence of “Just one night!” makes it painfully obvious that she is talking about mating with him. And then Oakheart builds a nest. Hoo-boy.

*Cue make-out music*

The nest chapter opens as Bluefur and Oakheart wake up the next morning. This bit has such a “morning-after” vibe it’s ridiculous. I’m still waiting for some guy to run by with a flag that says “YEAH, THEY TOTALLY DID IT!”

The two cats go their separate ways, and Bluefur vows that she will never sneak out to see Oakheart again.

Things seem to be pretty normal now. There is soon a Gathering, but Bluefur doesn’t go, so she asks Leopardfoot what happens when she gets back. One tidbit that stands out is the first mention of Brokenstar, or as he was then, Brokenpaw.

Leopardfoot also asks Bluefur if she has told Sunstar that she’s expecting kits. Bluefur is surprised to hear this. Yes, that’s right. Someone else noticed that she was pregnant before she herself did. Bluefur may have actually surpassed Firestar in terms of stupidity in regards to the opposite gender, and that is really saying something.

Rosetail then butts in and instantly assumes the father is Thrushpelt. Gah! Bluefur tells her not to tell Thrushpelt, and then sneaks off to tell Oakheart.

Oakheart is astonished, and offers to join ThunderClan to help raise them. Bluefur doesn’t want to destroy Oakheart’s ambition of becoming leader, and decides that she will raise them herself.

Later, Bluefur meets Thrushpelt and he asks her about what Rosetail has told him about being a father. Yeah, she told despite being asked not to. Bitch.

After learning that Bluefur has been off sleeping with another time despite all of the time he’s spent courting her, what does Thrushpelt do? Does he act like a whiny git for an entire book? Does he conspire to kill her father? Does he try to kill her kits right in front of her? Does he decide to reveal her secret to everyone at a Gathering? Of course not, only an insane idiot would have done stuff like that.

Instead, he respects that she wants the identity of the father kept secret, and offers to pose as the father for the rest of the Clan.

They are suddenly interrupted by what sounds like Thistleclaw and Tigerclaw attacking an intruder. They find Thistleclaw with Oakheart pinned to the ground, dangerously close to killing him. Thrushpelt goes to get help, and Bluefur pushes Thistleclaw off of him. Thistleclaw goes possibly even more insane than Goosefeather and rants about marking their borders with the blood of their enemies and such. However, he regains his composure as soon as a patrol shows up.

Back in camp, Bluefur confronts Sunstar about Thistleclaw. Sunstar quickly changes the subject to Bluefur’s kits, and he remarks that he thought she would succeed him, but that might not be possible if she is mothering her kits. Bluefur is horrified at the thought of Thistleclaw becoming deputy instead of her.

After Bluefur has given birth, Goosefeather remarks that he saw her at Fourtrees and… what? But Fourtrees is where they… Voyeurism, much? He says that Oakheart should take the kits if she wishes to stop Thistleclaw from becoming deputy.

After she sees a vision of blood flowing from Thistleclaw, Bluefur resolves to do it, and at the next Gathering arranges to hand the kits over to Oakheart at Sunningrocks.

The next chapter can best be described as “heart wrenching” as Bluefur leads her three kits out into the forest telling them that they’re just playing a game. Of course, it’s leaf-bare, and the kits are too tired to walk far, so it is a very tough journey, and you can almost feel Bluefur’s heart break as she continues to assure her kits that everything will be alright and she will always be there for them.

Before they reach Sunningrocks, the ambiguously gendered Mosskit freezes to death, and Bluefur has to ignore her other kits’ cries as she turns away and leaves them with Oakheart.

Bluefur tells the rest of the Clan that her kits were stolen, and spends most of the next chapter angsting about what she has done. And it is pretty horrible… Goosefeather assures her that her loss is nothing compared to what would happen to the Clan if Thistleclaw took over.

Sunstar takes her out into the forest and gives her “Stop Being Emo” Lecture #3. He also offers her the deputyship, since Tawnyspot’s Soap Opera Disease seems to be getting worse. Bluefur hastily accepts, finally receiving the reward that she had sacrificed so much for. She is still haunted by regret, but she promises to put everything she has into serving her Clan and fulfilling her destiny.

Now, this is the point in the book where it seems like Kate is just in a rush to finish, and I don’t blame her. I’m in a rush to finish this summary that I’ve already put hours into.

She has already crafted a great story, and there’s not much more to tell, therefore, she doesn’t put much effort into telling the remainder.

In the next chapter, we get a large timeskip right up to Bluefur’s leader ceremony. I’m a bit disappointed that her ceremony just seems so… short… and insignificant compared to Firestar’s. Bluefur deserves a better ceremony!

The newly named Bluestar receives all nine of her mostly non-painful lives over the course of about three pages, and then the story makes another massive timeskip to a few moons before the start of Into the Wild.

After a brief chapter of Bluestar talking with Redtail about “the good ol’ days”, and worrying about ThunderClan’s future, it goes ahead to the prologue of Into the Wild, which apparently takes place one moon before the book itself.

Of course, the dialogue is somewhat different, possibly because Kate was too lazy to reference her copy of Into the Wild.

Anyway, Bluestar is still looking for a way to strengthen ThunderClan, when out near Twolegplace, she notices Rusty. And well, the rest is history.

Shit. That was long. I really need to try and cut back on these summaries. It makes it easier on you guys because you don’t have to wait so long for new entries, and it makes it easier on me because I don’t have to work so hard for it.

Well, anyway, enjoy!

Inspired by YuGiOh the Abridged Series by LittleKuriboh (CardGamesFTW)


All characters are from WARRIORS by Erin Hunter
WARRIORS is © Harper Collins
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Hetaliakitty111 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014
I find this funny
Misery111 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
you rock man.
fire56 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Spottedleaf: Hmmm he sounds sexy XDDD LAUGHED MY HEAD OFF
TrueGrimReaper64 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Leopardstar/foot warps in and out of leadership. o3o
NepetaTheHuntress Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Student Digital Artist
XD Is she a time traveler? Is her past self also talking?
BDHK-Legit Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012   Traditional Artist
love it!!!!
mossearslol888 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012
Haloarious! Especially the "casn i stare at your ass in public" thing!
lalimouse10 Featured By Owner May 6, 2012
OMG these are hilarious!
Megami59 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2012  Student General Artist
XD These make me laugh so much!
toby21342 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I lol'd at Thrushpelt every time!
winterberries Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2011
This is fantastic. I love your sense of humor. xD
hyperadam Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2011
Wow, thanks. :D
saturnpoet Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Goldenpaw: No! Hurt me again!
Bluepaw: Okay… I think this is straying off into some kinky territory I'd rather not explore…


There was one part when you said Leopardstar instead of Leopardfoot...

But this is hilarious 8D I love your Warriors Abridged stuff.
hyperadam Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2011
Thanks! :D

Yeah, a surprisingly large amount of people have picked up on that... I'm just too lazy to fix it. :P
saturnpoet Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
xD No problem.

You really need to make more of these. They're hilarious.
Beckypaw Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2011
AxelDeVixen Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
i also have to say, i love the actual deviation, but i almost feel like i'm enjoying your artist's comments section more than the actual meat! ^^
hyperadam Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2011
Thanks. :D

I'm glad people like my author's comments, since quite a bit of work goes into them.
AxelDeVixen Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
i think sometimes during the books i loose interest (such as the leafpaw sections during the journey to the sun-down place) and i'll just skip the chapter and catch up on the next one since i know warriors cliffhangers are nonexistant ^^

so you make it interesting-ish (i never really got interested in leafpool until crowfeather came into play) and i gain information! win!
hyperadam Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2011
Glad I could help. :D

I wasn't too interested in Leafpool until Starlight, either.
AxelDeVixen Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I thought bluefur was going through the constipation/diarreah, combination as well when i read the book! XD
calimurr Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Thats was too epic

Whitekit: Wait... Where has my mother been for the past two chapters...?
Bluefur: Whitepaw... Your mother is.... Dea-
Whitepaw: "HEY A MOSSBALL!!!!!"

Snowfur: I know your secret....
Bluefur: oh shit you do?
Snowfur: i have for the past moon and i asked goosefeather and he said it would last for a few months and then it would end painfully but quickly.
Bluefur: I'm sorry! Oakheartwas just too sexy to resist! Its like looking at a pool of water on a hot day and I WANTED THAT WATER.
Bluefur: what, too much information?
Snowfur: no, just the fact that I was talking about your rash... i had no idea about the other thing.... *awkward silence*
thejumpingkoi Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011
Bluefur: Thanks for cleaning my nest.
Snowfur: That wasn't me. That was Thrushpelt. He said you'd be tired when you get back. He also mentioned something about wanting to share it with you.
Bluefur: Share my nest? It's awfully small; he would have to be practically lying on top of me!
Snowfur: Yeah, he said something about that, too.

Pinestar: Be strong, my precious son. Serve your Clan well.
Tigerkit: I don't even know who you are.
Pinestar: That's probably because I never bothered to visit you. I'm your father, and I'm here to tell you that I'm abandoning you. I hope this messed up childhood doesn't cause you to become some kind of Neo-Nazi or something, because that would really suck.
Tigerkit: Grrr…

Bluefur: *watching Oakheart nap on ThunderClan territory* (That arrogant fur-ball! How dare he trespass on our territory! Just looking at him makes me feel an odd tingly sensation between me legs…)

Rosetail: Who is it?
Bluefur: No one!
Rosetail: Thrushpelt?
Bluefur: Of course not!
Rosetail: Too bad. He spends enough time mooning over you.
Bluefur: Me?
Rosetail: Haven't you noticed him watching you?
Bluefur: Well… there was that time when I woke up and saw him looking down at me panting… and all those times I caught him staring at my ass… and that time he sniffed me when he thought I wasn't looking… but how can we be sure he's been padding after me?

Snowfur: You like him! You like a RiverClan cat!
Bluefur: No I don't!
Snowfur: I know you better than that! If it had been any other RiverClan cat, you'd be telling the whole Clan how you chased him off, not making excuses for him.
Bluefur: I'm not making excuses.
Snowfur: You can't make friends with cats from other Clans! It's against the warrior code! And Oakheart, of all cats! He thinks he's StarClan's gift to the Clans.
Bluefur: Oh, look who's talking. What about Thistleclaw?
Snowfur: …Y-yeah? Well… well… my arrogant prick is sexier than yours!
Bluefur: No way! ... I mean…yes he is. Err…I mean… I don't care!
Snowfur: Got you!

I lol'd especially at these parts. XD
ShadowOfAFire Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011
Can't like Goosefeather, eh? Well guess what... I DIDN'T!

Also, was this:
Leopardfoot: Have you told Sunstar yet?
Bluefur: Told him what?
Leopard!STAR!: That you're expecting kits.
Bluestar: Wait… WHAT!?
Leopardfoot: …You mean you didn't notice that you were pregnant? How stupid can you get?

hyperadam Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2011
Oh... Whoops, that actually wasn't intentional. ^^;
carlie5474 Featured By Owner May 26, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
Oakheart: Let's build a nest.
Bluefur: Why do I get the feeling we're not going to use it for sleeping?
Oakheart: Because we're not.
Bluefur: *blushing* I-I see...

my fav part !!
wolffar Featured By Owner May 25, 2011
"Goosefeather is off treating a patient, Bluekit and Snowkit decide to check out his den, and Snowkit ends up eating some poppy seeds. Moonflower gets all freaked out about it, despite Goosefeather’s insistence that poppy seeds won’t cause any damage. Of course, blame falls on Goosefeather. This is also the way the law works in real life (At least in Canada). Yes, it sucks, but I’m not joking."

moonflower freaking out here, (and they way she went about freaking out) is the main reason I did not feel sad when she died, if anything I thought: (Sweet! moonflower is dead! that means there is one less overreacting bitch!)
wolffar Featured By Owner May 25, 2011
Jake: My name's Jake! Next time you can see my nest.
Pinestar: Stop flirting with my warriors!
Jake: Awww… You ruin my fun
Pinestar: I think we used that joke already.
hyperadam Featured By Owner May 27, 2011
Why yes, yes we did.

Finally, someone noticed that.
wolffar Featured By Owner May 27, 2011
Snowberry125 Featured By Owner May 22, 2011
Okay,once again,HILARIOUS!!!
TheAcrylicCat Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2011  Student Digital Artist
I seriously couldnt stop laughing, really funny xD definate fave
hyperadam Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2011
Thanks! :D
TheAcrylicCat Featured By Owner May 1, 2011  Student Digital Artist
Welcome :D you gonna make more? because i would definatly enjoy the lulz again xD
hyperadam Featured By Owner May 2, 2011
Of coursen't. Why wouldn't I make more? :D
TheAcrylicCat Featured By Owner May 6, 2011  Student Digital Artist
Lol xD i dont know, but i cant wait now :D ill be keepin an eye out for it x3
FeralBeth Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
at the beginning you should have put

Stormtail: OPEN YOUR EYES!
Bluekit: Don't rush me i'll open my eyes when i'm ready!
hyperadam Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2011
Bluekit: I'll do it tomorrow, jeez...
FeralBeth Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
peargirl132 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2011
Bluefur: Thanks for cleaning my nest.
Snowfur: That wasn't me. That was Thrushpelt. He said you'd be tired when you get back. He also mentioned something about wanting to share it with you.
Bluefur: Share my nest? It's awfully small; he would have to be practically lying on top of me!
Snowfur: Yeah, he said something about that, too.

I just DIED.
nubblebubble123 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
OMG funny too
FyreBurnsStrong96 Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
i think these warriors abridged are SOOOOOOOO funny!! i have read 2 already and found them amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hyperadam Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2011
Thanks! :D
j1u2l3i4e5 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2011
you accidentally typed leapardSTAR instead of leapardFOOT
hyperadam Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2011
Ack, curses! Too many similar names! :shakefist:
FeralBeth Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
All of the clan goes to get a good night’s sleep. Except for Bluefur, who can’t get to sleep because she has diarrhoea. Well, they never say “diarrhoea”, but given the symptoms, it’s definitely what’s happening.

I would have to say, this is the first book I’ve read where the protagonist has diarrhoea, and I can sympathize with her, because it really sucks having diarrhoea in the middle of the night… or in English class when the teacher won’t let you go to the bathroom until half an hour into class. But I digress.

^^^ that made me lol

Also i thought i was the only one who obsessed over baby whitekit and featherwisker :3
hyperadam Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2011
It really is a serious problem.

Really? Is obsessing over them really that unique a position? But they're both so awesome...
FeralBeth Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I never really liked whitestorm until i read about whitekit (mostly because i didn't know much about him and i was too busy yelling at firestar to OPEN THE FREAKING EYS! >:U
hyperadam Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2011
Awww, but Whitestorm's awesome in the first series, too. He's just one of those guys who's cool for reasons you can't fully explain. He's just Whitestorm.

When he died, I wasn't sad, I was all "Dammit, he almost made it through the whole series!"
FeralBeth Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Again, i was too busy gaping at Firestar's stupidity to pay attention to anything, though now that i'm reading firestar's prophecy (not finished no spoilers plox) I realise i like firestar's POV most because, he's only stupid, he's not emo, he's not cranky, he's not evil, and he isn't freakin brambleclaw... i just don't like brambleclaw for some reason, i liked him until the great journey happened, then for some reason i lost intrest
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